Happy New Year!

As I prepare myself to welcome in 2008, I can't say I am terribly sad to say goodbye to 2007. The past year has been the hardest year emotionally for me in my entire life, and not just because of Maddie, although she is obviously a big piece of it.

However, with the bad, came some good. Which is good, 'cause otherwise I would have been booked into the looney bin by now!

The Bad

• My father's addiction to gambling and where it has lead my parents
• Maddie's Pregnancy (by this I mean the blood pressure issues/Vertigo/sickness)
• My water breaking at 18 weeks
• Maddie dying at 18 weeks 1 day
• Delivering Maddie's body at 19 weeks 1 day, after a week of induction.
• Having my online friends fighting and a split of the baby board I was part of since I was preggo with Emmy
• Breaking my ankle, and being immobile for 8+ weeks

The Good

• The knowledge that my parent's are safe from their own demons for the time being
• Still being able to remember what Maddie's movements felt like. Little tip-taps.
• The fact I can remember Maddie's death and birth without crying, because it really is okay. Sure, I still get a twinge in my heart when I think about her, but my grief is not all-powerful and overwhelming like it was in the beginning. I will always miss her, but it's missing 'what could have been', not something I had any control over.
• Having such wonderful friends and family that stood by me when I was not the nicest person when dealing with my grief. They stuck through it, and are here today. I can't even begin to express how that makes me feel.
• Breaking my ankle so I had an excuse to quit a job that was absolutely life sucking. If I was mobile at the time, I would have jumped for joy!
• Getting my dream job a few weeks later
• Feeling like I am contributing, like I am a valued employee - it is such a confidence boost.
• That my lil family unit is happy, healthy and safe. We have a roof over our heads, lots of food to eat, and we are warm, comfortable and together.

There are more good than bad, and with my new job, I have felt so much positive energy run through me. These are the happiest days of my life (outside of when Emmy was born of course!)

I wish all of you a beautiful new year's, may you be happy, safe, and be surrounded by love. Thank you for reading my blog :-)

Distracted Emmy Dancing!

Dora Takes Over Christmas

Christmas 2007

Merry Christmas, my friends

I wish each and every one of you the happiest of Christmases, and hopes for a joyous new year. Yes, even you, person who left the 'not so understanding comment' on my blog a few weeks back. For you, I wish you peace and love in your heart.

Take joy in those you love, and whom love you back this holiday season. I know I will be.

The Timbits made her do it...

Timbits:From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Timbits is the brand name of bite-sized doughnut balls sold at the Canadian Tim Hortons restaurant chain. Timbits are sometimes referred to as "doughnut holes", as they are often assumed to be made from the part of a full doughnut that is "cut out" to make a doughnut's hole. Timbits are in fact made from separate balls of dough as many of the menu's doughnuts do not have holes. The treats were introduced in April 1976, shortly after Tim Horton's death in 1974, and are now available in a selection of varieties that differs from store to store. Some of the most popular flavours are chocolate, jelly-filled, honey dip, and apple fritter.

I love Timbits. I am Canadian, therefore Timbits are a part of life. I occasionally, (and I do mean occasionally) let Emmy have one or two as a treat. Take that, those people who say I am too strict with her diet. LOL

This evening, as I made my way home from shopping, I decided to bring a treat home for Keith and Emmy. So I stopped at Timmies, got two Iced Capp's and a 20 pack of Timbits.

Since Emmy is Canadian, she too loves the Timbit. In fact, the child knows the box they come in, even though she may have only seen it a time or two. So, imagine her excitement when she sees Mom with the box of holy goodness in her hand. She goes WILD. I do mean wild. It was like she was possessed, she was talking in her new 'funny voice' a gravelly version of her normally one which sounds slightly demonic. She chased me around wanting access to the box o'goodness. If I hadn't of given her one, I am not sure what would have happened. I might not be here today.

She got 2 in total, and I went to put the box away. She FREAKED. This was the beginning of an hour-long tantrum complete with throwing herself on the floor, and alternatively sucking up to either Keith or I, whomever she thought would give in to her first.

We stood strong, although hard to do when she is so upset, but I did not want to teach her that crying will get her everything.

And this is why there will no longer be any Timbits in this house. Wah.

Silent Night...

Emmy was so exhausted last night, she fell asleep before dinner, before bath, before diaper change. She slept through Keith taking her to bed upstairs, and slept through the night. She awoke at 8:15 this morning. She's been fighting a cold (still!) and teething again this week, poor kid.

Em's first tobbogan ride

The weather warmed up this week to a balmy -5, so we were able to take Em outside for some fun in the snow. It had been hovering around -20 and colder, so this was a welcome trip outside.
Keith took Em up and down our driveway in her toboggan. She was squealing and giggling, and Keith keeps talking about how we need to take her out tommorow (his day off). I think he had as much fun as she did. We didn't take her out in the snow at all last year since she was so

young. She's able to walk this year, which she finds facinating in the snow.

Grocery Shopping with a Toddler

I may attempt this again when Em is...umm...8? Then she won't be a toddler anymore and all will be good????? LOL One can hope.

Some examples of the trip: (most of which amused me, except when she was being baby with attitude lol)

"Oj!! Oj!!!" Everytime she saw a box of Mandarin oranges in someone's cart. It's Christmas time, everyone has oranges in their cart.

"Hi yooooou" to everyone she found interesting. She says it like Blue from Blue's room, since she apparently watched that show too much. It's quite adorable, but the kid wouldn't sit on Santa's lap without crying, but will talk to perfect strangers! LOL

Produce section was full of Em saying, "Nana Nana!" (banana's) which she wanted that moment. Of course, I couldn't give her one since you pay by the weight, so she kept trying to grab them in the cart.
Same as above when I bought Mandarin Oranges except of course, she said "Oj"
Same as above when she saw the apples "Abble! Abble!"

The cutest thing was when we were in breads, and another Mom parked her cart beside ours so her baby could say hi to Em. They were adorable together, although Em tried to climb out of our cart to go visit the new friend. lol

I should mention that these carts don't have seatbelts, so I am always wary of having her in them anyhow.

By the dairy aisle, off came her boots.
By the toilet paper aisle, off came her coat.
By the frozen food aisle, off came her socks.
By the bread aisle, attempts to remove her shirt which were blocked by me, much to her dismay.

Even with all this, it was fine till checkout. Then Em freaked out, started crying, wanting to be held (hard to do when you have to bag your own groceries) and generally being a snot. She whipped off most of the clothes that I had redressed her in, and constantly tried to climb out of the cart. I am guessing she was just overstimulated, as once we were out of the store, she was perfectly fine. That, or she devised a plan in her mind to stress Mom out in a hurry!

Bad Santa

Em visited Santa yesterday and promptly started crying. We are so mean. lol