Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

It is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and I  have so much to be thankful for this year, particularly the past months since the stroke. It is funny how I relate things now- they are either before the stroke or after- it is a defining period  of my life.  so here is a list of what I am thankful for...

1. Being alive to write this post
2. Emerson for having the courage that day to get me the phone despite not being able to understand me & being utterly terrified.
3. Keith for being there for me through all of it from cooking to helping me get dressed  for being my shoulder to cry on when I have been frustrated or sad which has been many times . When I got out of the hospital, he essentially had to take care of both Emmy and I and work full time. He did it without a complaint and I could never thank him enough for showing  me that through  thick and thin he will be there for me. Believe me when I say it has not been easy for him in the least.I love you Keith.
4. Everyone that visited me in the hospital, the flowers and get well cards from coworkers and dear . I still have the cards and  they always bring a smile to my face as I feel the love that went in them. A special mention to Poppy who visited almost daily,lent me clothes when I was sick of hospital gowns and bringing iced coffees despite working full tine and having her own busy family to take care You have been there since we met so many years ago thank you for being there for me and I love you.
5. Facebook - the messages, the pokes, the notes in my wall  all help lift me up when I am down.
6. My Aunts  and family in Vancouver on my Dad's side who were so kind to send and thoughtful to send a care package with gifts for all of us. I cried so much that day as I remembered Grandma and felt loved and supported by family I haven't seen for 15 years, yet it made me feel right there with them.
7. Mother Nature for not giving me a break from the visits from hell each month when I have have no fine motor skills to work with. You would think having a stroke could maybe make mother nature bugger off for a couple of months but noooooo....so I take it back I am NOT thankful for it and she can piss offf!!!
8. My sister in law, brother and family who were preparing and moving to Alberta when all this happened but despite all that always sent encouraging messages and posts.
9. Velcro and pull on pants
10.   I realized when I was in the hospital and especially as I recover that this could have been far worse than it is. I am alive. I can hug my daughter every day,  I can walk,talk and do most things for myself. I type really slow now but  getting better.I can't tie shoes with laces or buttoned pants (see #9) but I have 3 pairs of pull on pants that work for me and runners with Velcro. I still have moments of pure frustration as I get dressed if clothes are inside out but they are fewer and much less often. I find if  I am frustrated, I walk away for a few moments and then I am able to get it right. so I thank God for letting me survive this, for helping me recover  for making the hurdles bearable and surmountable.

Life since the stroke part 2

Life since the stroke

I apologize for the lack of updates as I have been recovering from the stroke. I am currently still off workas I am continuing to work on my fine motor skills and they continue to improve. When I think back to where I was versus where  I am today, well it is dramatic. I still have a long road ahead, but I am getting there. My left hand is still weak, I cannot tie my shoes, and  I face challenges every.single.day. However bleak and depressing that sounds, I try to remember what I CAN do. As I am my own worst enemy, that in itselfcan be a challenge!LOL
As Emmy started school in September, on school days I get up, shower and get dressed. I make Em's lunch usually with assistance as spreading butter/jam etc is still a messy and difficult task.  I drive Em to school and once home I am exhausted both physically and mentally. I usually have a short nap to help get through the day. In the PM I walk on the treadmill, balance & physio exercises. After that, I watch some Dr. Phil, pick up Emmy and figure out dinner. A day in my boring life. However I will take boring over the past 4.5 years of my life. A loss of a second trimester pregnancy, breaking my ankle, 2 seizures and now the stroke. I revel in boring, I rejoice in it.  I have an appointment in Vancouver  on November 03, and my hope is I will be cleared to return to work mid to late Nov if not sooner. However, that is up to the  stoke specialist I will be seeing.
 I still have many hurdles to get through and I don't want to set myself up for failure. So we will see what happens.

Progress

It has been 60 days since the stroke and  wanted to look back on where I have been, accomplishments I have made and the challenges  I am currently working on.. This may help my frustration level as  I tend to be my own worst critic

Where I was 60 days ago
Unable to speak
Diagnosed as a stroke pending further tests** still waiting amended diagnosis

I know I has

The day Emerson saved my life

It has taken me over a month to write this post about the event that transpired on June 5,2011 due to a combination of time in the hospital, physical limitations and probably some mental blocks of not wanting to relive the experience. As it is good therapy to  type, I shall give it a go.
It was a Monday, my EDO day. so Em and I were home together  I had a Doctor's appointment in the morning, but chose to take her with me rather than drop her off at daycare We usually spend my EDO days together, so was not out of the ordinary by any means.
The day began normally. We went to my appointment which was quick as I was just refilling prescriptions.
I was feeling positively normal .We came home I noticed I was having trouble  opening the front door, like my hands wouldn't work properly. I managed to get the door open, and Em and I went inside.
Once inside, I laid down on the couch as I suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired. Em went and played on my computer. A few minutes later, I tried to sit up to take a drink of water and I couldn't  all of a sudden, I could hear myself making moaning noises and I was aware I was making them, but I could not control it. Em heard this and became quite panicked. I knew I needed help, and fast.I heard Em crying and saying over and over again that "Mommy was going to die"  I wanted to comfort her. to tell her I was OK. I rolled off the couch to help but all that did was put me face down on the carpet. I still could only  moan and make generally scary noises but Em, who now was asking me what she could do for me. I kept trying to say "phone but it was not intelligible, despite my efforts.Thankfully, she figured it out   and she brought me a phone. I picked up the phone and managed to dial Keith's work, praying the girl answering would understand me.She answered, and I kept repeating Keith's name  When he came on the line, I repeatedly said to "come home" until I   knew heard he understood me.Keith was home within minutes and called 9-1-1

At this moment weeks later, we still have no diagnosis the working diagnosis is a stroke, but the head Neurologist , does not feel that is the case, rather a condition that mimics the signs of one was in hospital for 9 days had too many tests to count and I am on sick leave while we wait for more and a diagnosis I am slowly getting better, just taking it one day  at a time. I Thank God  that I kept Em home and that my 5 year old had the courage to help in what had to be the most terrifying of situations What if I Had sent Em to daycare? I would have been alone until 6PM My baby girl saved my life

***********Please forgive typo's am am just starting to be able to type and it is oh so slow

Em's summer activities...

Outside of swimming, I enrolled Em in T-ball and soccer which she enjoyed tremendously Unfortunately, due to what happened to me at the beginning of June, it was cut short as I was unable to get her there but I  will look at enrolling her next year below are some pictures

Spring, spring, spring?!?

Emmy started swim lessons again as 1. it is technically Spring (more on that later in the post,  and 2. most importantly (to me anyhow) I can drive her to them! *insert appropriate happy sounds here*

 I am allowed to drive again as I am taking anti-seizure medication and I have been seizure free for over 6 months, I have been busy rediscovering the freedom I lost in August of last year which can be summed up in one word - FREEDOM. It is a beautiful thing.

I am currently on holidays as Em's Daycare is closed for 10 days while she is on vacation. I am having fun spending time with Em, sleeping when we want to, and doing things on our own timetable. I have no big plans, just to enjoy this time with her.  As she is 5, we have a few differences on things to do when. For example, when a freak snow shower starts while we are outside and she is riding her bike, my thoughts are to go INSIDE. Em does not feel the same and freaked out at the idea. Mom won, but seriously, I am DONE with snow!!!!!!!

Chris and Tony's Birthday Party

Emmy's 5th birthday

Emmy had her 5th birthday celebration on Sunday, Feb 20 (which is her birthday). We chose to do a family celebration rather than a party with friends as her daycare friends are all considerably younger than her, including  her  beloved Landon aka her boyfriend who is 3.

 She had no lack of presents by any means. My parents sent her a portable DVD player and a DVD  of Alvin and the Chipmunks. It is a week later as I write this and it is still her favorite gift. She also received a  keyboard,  a U-draw game tablet for the Wii, 2 Leap Pad Explorer  games and a HUGE stuffed bear from Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Lorna. I have purposely left out her new doll "Allyson" aka Chucky, who we are hoping Em only has a short fascination with. We can't even blame All-chucky's arrival on anyone else as Keith bought it for her and was a leftover Christmas gift. It  never shuts up. Ever. Just when you think it has gone to sleep, it starts again.

We had a good day - We had lunch at Grandma's and  had cake and family time. We took Emmy to see Gnomeo and Juliet, which was in 3-D. As it was dark when we got into the theatre, I randomly handed out the glasses to Keith and Em. Unbeknown st to me, I had the kids size and Em had the adult pair. For the entire movie I had these REALLY small and tight glasses on and didn't even clue in.  Good thing it was a good  movie!

My latest sappy video

Emmy's 5th birthday is on Sunday, so I made this video to show how she has grown. She is still crying and "never wants to see it again"...:(

Happy Birthday, Emerson

Mr Bossy Pants and more

Emmy called me "Mr. Bossy Pants" this afternoon which earned her a tine out and an automatic removal of the movie she was watching. Em at this stage is calling everyone a "he" or a "him, no matter how many times we try to gently correct her. Dad is a he - and she gets that. Yet Mommy and Grandma are also he's in Em's world.  One day...one day.

In my effort to catch up on this blog I am adding photos from fall - back when we could see the grass still. Emmy and Keith were raking leaves. It absolutely blows my mind how much she has grown in what feels like a blink of an eye.

It's been waaaaaaaay too long!

If you are reading this, I am thankful for you, your patience and that you came to visit my  blog. I am back and have a bunch of posts to make this weekend. Short update on us: We are all well, had a great Christmas and settling back into life. Em's 5th birthday is in less than a month, and next Wednesday, Keith will be registering her for Kindergarten for the fall. As I am on the tail end of the 6 month ban on driving which ends March 14, 2011 providing with God's Grace I don't have another seizure, it made more sense for him to do it. It has been a frustrating 6 months as I have been completely dependent upon others to get me from point A to B. There is really nothing within a decent walking distance and whenever I am home, Emmy is with me. Add in the fact it is winter in Northern British Columbia and that equals staying home LOTS.

So, Iam back  and will be updating over the next few days with pics and more.

Seizure # 2

Last Friday, I ended up in the ER again due to a seizure, and this time I KNOW I didn't take 2 of any pill.
I went to bed around 11 and woke up at 1sh not knowing who I was and Keith in front of me getting me ready. I again didn't know who he was, who I was or where I was. Worse this time, I cut my face open on the shelf beside my bed and needed stitches. So off I went to the ER where I was stitched up and released. I meet with the Neurologist again on the 8th and I am praying for some answers. As both have happened at night, how do I know it won't happen tonight?

Keith has been absolutely AMAZING when I know he is just as scared as I am.Emmy tells me daily to not get anymore scratches. I love my family :-)

Smoky Prince George

These are some photos I took this morning around quarter to 8. My camera is not dirty, this is what it looks like air quality wise and has been since Sunday night, The air is thick with smoke from forest fires in other areas that has decided to settle in Prince George. Outside, all you smell is smoke and it was actually raining ash this morning as I drove to work. We are all hoping for some strong winds and soon!