Neither here nor there...

I completed my first week of work, and I LOVED it. I wasn't prepared for how much I would miss Emmy though, which is funny since we hadn't spent the weekdays together for a while. Still missed her like crazy! I would hear a toddler in our waiting room, and my thoughts would instantly go to her.

Speaking of Miss Emmy, she is continuing to grasp new words. Today was "nana" as I got a banana for her. Pretty simple stuff, but I love when she surprises me!

Finally, (this is a short entry as Desperate Housewives is coming on!) it is my Mom's birthday today. All day I have thought of her, and I do hope she doing okay where she is. At the very least, I know she is being taken care of.

My lil chickadee

She did it! She did it!

Miss Emerson FINALLY slept through the night. Mind you, she was up till 10:30 because she fell asleep in the car while we were doing errands, therefore having boundless energy when we got home. So, it's not a complete victory, but still was damn fine to wake up at 7:30 am without having that 3 am wakeup!

Em is 20 months old today. I can't even begin to verbalize how I am feeling about that. 20 months. Where did it go?

Love you, Mom

Em has said this phrase to me the last two mornings when leaving for daycare. Now, I say it to her every morning, and we wave frantically to each other (it's quite funny to watch) before her and Keith leave. However, the addition of that one phrase from Em has made my week. Do I think she knows what she is saying? Nahh, I think she's just repeating since I've said it to her everyday for the past 20 months, but for some reason, it just doesn't matter. It makes me happy just the same. :-)

For the record (for anyone who is still counting) Emmy has STILL not slept through the night since I hurt myself. She wakes up around 3 in a panic and won't calm down till she is sleeping with one of us (usually me). At least she will go back to sleep once she's with us, so it could be worse.

Pictures of my ankle (I warned you!)

On Tuesday, my cast was removed and, surprisingly, not reattached. I assumed I would have a cast for 6 weeks. However, that leads to arthritis, according to the Ortho Doc. I have been a bit fearful as I have this broken ankle that I am not allowed to put any weight on for 4 weeks OUT IN THE OPEN. Em hasn't been curious at all, but then, she didn't seem to notice my cast either. I guess we can take 'observant' off the list of skills my daughter possesses! lol

I've managed to not hurt it so far, and am actually much happier without the cast. I was able to soak in the tub last night for the first time in 3+ weeks. If the darn water hadn't of gotten cold, I would still be in there. It seemed to be slightly less work for Keith as well, which is nice. Previously, he had to help me to the downstairs shower, put towels down, help me into the chair that is in the shower, then clean up after me. I pretty much did everything for my bath.

3 1/2 more weeks till I see the Orthopedic surgeon again and I start putting weight on it.

For those not-faint-of-heart, here are some pics of the cast-less ankle.

She's got the upper hand today!

Now, I will preface this with the fact that I love my darling girl more than anything. However, today, I was seriously considering shipping her off to someone.

Em is still in daycare during the week while I heal. As I will be returning to work soon, we felt it was better not to disrupt her routine. As well, since I am operating with a broken leg, I'm not much fun for her these days. So, she goes off and plays with her friends and I sit at home and moan my state of affairs (the broken leg and an absessed tooth this week).

Today, however, is Saturday, which means Em is at home with me all day. Alone. Keith is at work. Normally, its a bit difficult to take care of her, but not impossible. Then today happened.

Before 10 am, Em had

• Put her dirty sock in my glass of iced tea
• Had 2 poopy diapers that she fussed and moved like a snake through
• Knocked over the aforementioned iced tea
• Acted like we gave her copious amounts of sugar (we didn't)
• Would not listen to the simplest command that I KNOW she understands
• Took the cordless phone and hid it in the living room (I know she didn't purposely hide it rather just dropped it when her 20 second attention span ran out).

This is all before 10 AM! I discovered the phone was missing when Keith called to check in. Boy was that fun to find. I knew I had to find it as he worries when I don't answer. (You know, since I fall all the time, break bones, etc LOL) So I knew I had to find it before he started worrying too much! She didn't go to sleep until nearly 3 pm (normally noon) so I can officially say that she's had a day. However, she will probably sleep till when Keith gets home, so the whole 'sole responsibility thing has been lifted from my shoulders. Then he can return my wheelchair to me (she wheeled it across the room) and my walker (she moved it from my reach). lol However, I just need to look at her smiling face and I'm done. I wonder if I can claim abuse? My toddler is abusing me LOL

On another note, we FINALLY sold our Jeep today. The credit card company will be happy with that payment! LOL

She is so funny!

Gosh, I am loving toddlerhood. Well, I would love it a teensy bit more if she could get food into her mouth without smearing it all over, or picking her nose, or sleeping through the night. She hasn't slept through the night since I fell down the stairs. Poor kid, she's probably traumatized. Hell, I'd be scared seeing my ass rolling down the stairs towards...um, well, me.

Cute recent things from Miss Emmy.

1) "Oh noooooo" complete with hands over the ears. This was particularly funny after she purposely dumped a bag of Cheerios on the floor.

2) Teaching her to go down the stairs on her bum like Mom does these days. She runs over to the stairs, sits on the bottom step, grins and claps (wanting you to clap for her). I give her a clap and a "yay" since you are only this age once, and hell if I am ruining her self-esteem even though she didn't do anything! lol

3) she loves when Daddy gives her rides in my wheelchair. Strollers? Not so much, wheelchairs, she loves.

4)She talks SO much. I cannot understand 80% of what my own child is saying. This is sad.

5) Her mad determination to rid herself of clothing and then try to put it back on unsuccessfully.

I love being a Mom!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

What I am most thankful for this year can best be described by the picture above. I am thankful for the blessing of having Keith as my partner and Emerson my daughter. I feel like my dreams came true when each of them arrived into my life. Keith has been so much of a help since I broke my leg, I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

There are many other blessings in my life that I am thankful for this year. I am thankful for the friendships I have, the reconnecting with aunts and cousins, health among all that I care for.

I am thankful for this new job opportunity, for the chance to show what I am made of. I cannot wait to start. Oh wait, yes I can, I am still injured! LOL

I am even thankful for where my parents are at the moment, as it means they are safe.

So many blessings zip by us daily. I know I don't always recognize them, or give them the credit due. So, here's to life and its many blessings. I wish each and every one of you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

House O'Stairs

You know, there was always a reason I didn't love this house quite as much as Keith does. There are stairs EVERWHERE. Seriously. Since Thursday, I have been restricted to the living room and the kitchen, since every other room requires some stair tackling to get to. If you just think I am being lazy, come here, I'll break your ankle and you can see how awesome it feels. Or how sexy it feels to use a wheelchair commode since the bathroom is up 14 stairs. The same 14 stairs I fell down and got me into this mess in the first place. Life is fun.

On a much less whiney note, I have been offered a new job. Not only does this new job pay over double what I was making, it is something I have wanted to do for years. I start October 22, and although I won't be healed yet, the office is wheelchair accessible which means NO FREAKING STAIRS! Between my parent's crap, losing Maddie, and breaking my ankle, I seriously thought I kicked puppies in my past life or something. It's not been a stellar year.

The casualty of my injury was my ankle of course, and my former job that I have been working at for the past few months. There are 2 small flights of stairs to manoever which has kept me away. (Oh, and the throbbing pain when my foot isn't elevated. So, I quit this morning. I'm sure I am not their favorite person right now, but what could I do?

My blog is sadly lacking in pictures of my munchkin. Last week she was injured from her fight with the 4 year old at daycare and resembled Rocky, and then of course I broke my leg. However, I will take some new ones tonight.

Injured Jan

I'm broken. Well, at least my left ankle is. It's amazing how integral that one joint is for things such as walking. lol



On Wednesday, there was some crazy crap happening on my baby board. I had gone upstairs to use the washroom and on my way down, I either missed a stair or tripped, I don't recall. All I know is I freaked my child out and hurt my foot something fierce!



We called 911 since I couldn't move and off to the hospital I went. Diagnosis: Broken left ankle requiring surgery to fix. They sent me home (after they cut off my pants!) since there were no beds. For all those with scary visuals right now, Keith brought me some shorts to wear.

I returned to the hospital on Thursday for my surgery, and now here I sit, pretty much immobile. I have crutches that I need to practise with, but Keith keeps hiding them (so I don't injure myself further). I did manage to change Em's diaper today, without assistance, while on the recliner, so I'm not completely useless, just feel that way.

It's no wonder I have high blood pressure!

So, Keith says to me tonight, "We should make sure Em gets to bed by 8 pm. She went to bed late last night and was up in the middle of the night."

Really? I wasn't aware of that fact. Oh wait, was that my child trying to pluck my eyelashes and poke out my eyeballs at 11:30 PM when I brought her to my bed? Yes, I think it was. Was it me that woke up with a sore back from having to sleep in the same position all night? Why yes. Was it him making noise downstairs that roused her from sleep in the first place? Why yes, it was.

For the record, I told HIM the same thing last week as he likes to let her stay up till -9:30 (thinking she will sleep later that way) Okay, I've vented now.

Such a lil goof!

My little girl is 19 months old this past week, and she's just too funny. She loves to put her laundry hamper over her head and walk around - usually falling. The second picture I will be sure to show her future fiance! LOL

Em versus Spaghetti

We are still determining who the winner is. Definitely not the walls or the high chair.

I am not a lover of the "Messy baby" pics, as they make me want to grab the wet ones and clean the baby, but I relented on this one. The girl didn't miss an inch, and I'm not sure how much actually made it into her stomach. LOL

Busy, busy, busy

So sorry blogger world, I've been ignoring you. Work is life-sucking. Seriously. I need to win the freaking lottery.

By the end of the week, Em was the one crying when I left her at daycare (heartbreaking) and I managed not to cry. She got a nice gift from daycare as well, the cold that has prevented any of us from getting any sleep this weekend. Life's good.

First Day

Em's first day of daycare occurred today. She did great, toddled off as soon as I put her down at the daycare in the morning. Me? Not so much. I cried myself to work. Cried isn't even accurate. I sobbed. I didn't think I would make it through the day. I did, but this morning was the hardest thing I had to do since Maddie really.

It's like someone turned on a light switch

And either Em started getting clearer with her words, or we just started 'getting it'. This past week has been crazy for new words, as I mentioned in my previous post.

On Friday, Keith took Em to his Mom's and she said "G'maw" for the first time. Keith's mom was no doubt happy about the acknowledgement and I was excited.

Although, it stands to reason that my parent's could be brought into this conversation as well. If they even cared one iota about anyone but themselves, they would be able to experience the pure joy that Em brings. But, they aren't interested. I spoke to my Mom over 2 weeks ago, and she said she was going to mail me the following day with an address that her and I could keep in touch through. Funny. I've received nothing. Just another lie to make it seem like she cares. Well, fortunately, Em won't ever have the chance to be hurt by them, because she will never know them. Although that is a choice I'm making, it's their disregard for our family that caused it.

"That's Good"

Good news: we have a new 2 word phrase in the house.

Bad news: She's using it to strike us parents in the heart. LOL

A conversation overheard as I was emptying the dishwasher...

Keith: Love you, Emmy.
Emmy: That's good.

Yup. That's my kid.

On the body naming front, she will now point to her nose when you ask her to. Ask her to point to her belly button, and she will pick her nose, so we're still working on that. However, even on Monday, she couldn't point to the nose, so I'm impressed!

Also, we were playing 'pattycake' this morning, and she said, clear as a bell, "Pat". She is having a language exposion here!

"Woof Woof"

said Em today to the dog she could not see, but could hear. Yahoo! We have an animal sound, could I get back that 18 month old questionairre I had to fill out yesterday, 'cause I need to check that off.

However, I missed this milestone, as I was at work. I've failed as a Mom again. Sheesh. At least Keith heard it.

Speaking of the 'questionairre', this was a 10 page quiz on whether your kid is hopelessly behind or not that we had to fill out at Em's 18 month shots appointment yesterday. I seem to remember ticking more "yes, she does this" than "no, my kid doesn't even attempt this" so that's gotta mean something. They also let me take her home, so that must mean I haven't messed her up developmentally so far. LOL

What Em doesn't do that she 'should be' (according to the experts:
She should be able to name a body part. I've gotten her to point to her belly button once when I asked her too. Personally, I think it was fluke and she just happened to see her belly button and said, "ooooooh what's that????". We work on this everyday, but the best I can get are giggles.

She should have 8 words outside of "Mom" and "Dad". She has more than that, but she doesn't use all of them consistently and I still have trouble understanding 60% of what she says. She has at least 2-2 word phrases as well ("What's that?" and "Whose there?" The nurse didn't seem concerned, however she also gave Em both her shots in the arm rather than one in the arm and one in the leg like she was supposed to, so I'm not sure I trust her opinion.

Pretty much everything else she did...that's all that stood out to me. So, we'll continue naming body parts and one day she will say, "Dude! That's my belly button!" and I can lay off of the body part naming and get started on Algebra.

The shots went as well as could be expected. Em bellowed, Mom teared up and Dad looked like he was gonna cry (it was his first shot appointment, his verdict was "That's just not right!") However, no more shots till she's 5. Yahoo!

You know you are a parent when...

you give up the couch so your kid can sleep.

Yes, another Keith and Emmy sleeping picture...I am surprised I have so many since she doesn't sleep very much anymore! LOL

Keith got up with her last night at 1 (since he is on holidays and I have to work today) and this is what I found when I came downstairs this morning.

The calm before the storm...

It's so quiet right now. Em is napping, Keith is fiddling with the TV (but the sound is off) and the only noise noticeable is my clattering on the keyboard. However, I know it will be short-lived...

It's SHOT DAY! Luckily, the last ones for awhile, but still. Em usually takes them like a pro, but we have 2 appointments with daycares tonight, so Murphy's Law may prevail.

No reason for the photo, but this is how I found Em and Keith the other day...say awwww now...

Hip-Check 2007

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since Em was last seen by her orthopedic surgeon. We went today for the all-mighty hip check up which was LOADS of fun. Loads.

We got to the hospital and I plugged the meter to last until 10 am. Pleeeeeeeeenty of time. Right? Wrong.

Xray first. Em moved right when they took the picture so I KNEW it wouldn't be good but the tech checked it and said it was fine. Riiiiight.

We waited an extraordinary long wait when you have a restless toddler who is a bit pissed with you about holding her down on a gurney. How long, you ask? It was 10:30 AM before we even saw a doctor. For those who are keeping track at home , that would be 2 hours, 20 minutes PAST her scheduled appointment time. 140 minutes of desperately trying to keep Em amused without any of her favorite toys (they are all loud and annoying and I'm sure the waiting room didn't need to hear Ernie giggle 'oh that tickles' 5,000 times) 8,400 seconds of attempting to keep my curious daughter somewhere in the vicinity of me, and not have her scream like I was abducting her when I kept her from running away. Fun times, I tell you, fun times.

We finally got in to the exam room and Ms. Student Doctor comes in. Now, I know she needs practical experience to learn, but my kid is already pissy...must we piss her off more so Ms. Student Doctor can put a tick next to the "manually manipulated a toddler's hips". Oh, and Ms. Student Doctor forgot to read the part that you never, ever, ever pull hip babies by their feet down a bed (to bring them closer). I should fax her that info.

Em's orthopedic surgeon comes in and started telling me how pretty Em was. Good doctor. My child chose to take this opportunity to pick her nose. At least we won't have to worry about dating if she keeps that up.

Em receives her 4,000th compliment on the cute pink shoes I bought her the other day. They are really cute, but completely off topic.

After 2.4 seconds of examining her, the doctor says, "We just need a better Xray, the one from this morning is blurry, like she moved". Oh really? What a freaking shock.

Back we go to Xray. 30 minutes later, we've got 2 adults holding Em down so she'll be still. Again, fun times as my toddler screams in defiance.

Back to the doctor. Finally, a verdict. Well, a confusing one. Overall, he's happy with her hips, they haven't deteriorated too much, but there is something he's not happy with. He never actually specifies what this is but wants us back in 6 months for another round of Xrays. Yahoo.

We left the hospital at 11:10 AM. 3 hours after her 'appointment time'. LOL Luckily, no ticket on my car. Because that, my friends, would have made me cranky.

Pet Peeve #40039384

When parents let their children run all over a store, unsupervised. Why do they do it? So they can shop in peace, of course. Yet, every other shopper is dodging the kids screaming accross the store to each other and running all over the place. Glad to know the parents got to shop in peace.

I just got back from Walmart, can you tell? LOL

Completely unrelated to my last post

Yesterday at work, someone advertised (I work for a free classified publication) a "Surrey with a fringe on top". Once I stopped giggling, I realized he was serious. Yesterday, I learned what a Surrey with a fringe on top was. Oops! LOL (In my defence in the 2 weeks I've been employed, there's been a few weird ads, and at least one pickup attempt. I thought the guy was referring to the song and being funny! lol)

Oh, and someone else called in an ad to trade a left roller blade for a left hockey skate. Size 9.5 prefered. Apparently, someone stole his hockey skate and left the roller blade. Seriously? Is ther someone out there with one roller blade on and one ice skate? Just commit already, one or the other! LOL

Random things...

Vertigo - since giving up ALL caffeine (not just Coke) last Saturday, I've only had 2 minor Vertigo experiences. Both happened at work, but they were mild enough that I could take a Benadryl and wait them out. Nothing like the "room spinning, can't walk, must crawl to couch and get a bucket" experiences like I was having. I haven't been taking the daily Benadryl either, so I am excited by this development. Well, as excited as a sleep-deprived mom can be without caffeine! I truly hope it continues as I was getting so frustrated with working with Vertigo (never knowing when it would hit, etc)

I work 3 full days next week. 8:30 am to 3:30 pm. Okay, not really full days, but read my above paragraph about being tired and you'll realize why this could be hard. Em is being watched by her Daddy for the next two weeks, and I will be sure to take Em's codeine meds with me so Dad can't use them to get a longer nap out of her! (okay, so I really don't think he would do that...at least he better not consider it!)

I spoke to my Mom last night for the first time in 9 months. Sadly, I realized that in the 9 months, nothing has changed. She is still the same, and is still trying to manipulate and con. I told her about Maddie when I was giving her crap about not even attempting to contact me...she didn't even know I was pregnant.
Our conversation about Maddie went like this:

Me: You know what Mom? It would have been nice to have a card from you to put in Em's baby book to recognize her first birthday. It would have been something, an effort on your part to recognize that she is your grandchild. Would have cost less than $2. How about her first Christmas? You missed that too, and you were IN PRINCE GEORGE. . There is not a single picture of you with your grandchild. Not one. You've seen her twice in 18 months, and the last 9 months, you've been gone. The only reason we are talking now is because I picked up the phone.
Mom: tries to apologize, blames it on Dad. Makes a joke, "So, did you have a baby in the 9 months we've been gone?"
Me: (Wrong thing to joke about to me) Actually, I did Mom. I was pregnant when you were here in December. Do you remember me being sick? That's why. The baby died. I delivered my daughter, and she was dead.
Mom: Oh, don't joke about things like that, Jan (says the woman who lied to us about having cancer for 5+ months)
Me: I'm not joking, Mom. Her name was Madison Kate, and she was born on March 6, 2007 at 5:55 am. If you had even attempted to be a part of our lives, you would have known this. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face and I couldn't turn to my own Mom. Why? Because my Mom didn't care enough about us to give us an address, or even a phone number. Because my mom made us (meaning my brother and I) out to be the bad guys.
Mom: *mumbles*

I don't know what I was expecting out of her, but I felt better that I got to say those things that were bothering me for months. Was I hurtful? Probably. Was I wrong? I don't think so. I don't like airing my family's dirty laundry to the Blogger world, but I could have been more harsh to her and it wouldn't even compare to the last 5 years and what they have pulled on the family.

Keith actually said to me last night that he was sorry. I asked him why. He replied "Because the Mom you are looking for, the Mom you need isn't there. Unless she has an epiphany on her deathbed, she never will be. And I'm sorry for that."

He's right. I've always sought out a Mom that wasn't there. This is not a new thing, she's never been there. I've always been the fat daughter, the not perfect daughter, the daughter who resembled her father much to her Mom's very vocal dismay, the not petite daughter. I still have never heard that my parent's are proud of me.

My name is Jan, and I have Mommy issues.

Holy Rash, Batman!

My poor, poor Emmy. I've spoken about the fact that she tends to rash pretty easily, however yesterday was a new record.

The day started fine...her bum wasn't red at all when Keith changed her in the morning. I changed her at 10 am before going to get the sitter and she was fine. She had a slight diaper rash the previous day so I was pleased that it was all cleared up.

I went to work at noon as usual these days. Em seemed fine when I left her. At 3:45 (15 minutes before I was off) I get a call at work. I knew it was the sitter before I picked it up as she's the only one who would call me there. As soon as I picked up, I could hear Em wailing in the background. She explained that Em has been crying for the past hour. Since I'm a big baby, that instantly made me want to cry. I got all choked up and told her I would be home in 5 minutes. (Thanks work for understanding!)

I rushed home and could hear Em from outside. I got inside and she was hysterical. The first thing I noticed was that she was poopy, so I asked the sitter if she had checked her diaper recently. She said she just changed her 1/2 an hour before she started crying, and it had been poopy (but not rashy).

I put screaming Em down to change the diaper, and quickly I noticed that she was all rashed up. I went to the sink to rinse her rather than use a wipe, and as I rinsed her with cool water, she screamed like I was dousing her with boiling hot water. It was CRAZY!! She was SO upset and my heart was breaking for her.

Once clean, I brought her back to the living room and laid her on the couch, diaper-less. The ceiling fan was blowing on her, and she calmed down. I inspected the rash at this point and noticed it was actually blistering (think water blisterd when you burn) all along the sides of her foo-foo, and the rest was red from rash. Damn, that would make ME cry too, let alone a toddler!

I quickly determined that it was the two poops in a row that did it, and the second one was highly acidic obviously. I ended up taking her to the walk-in clinic just so a Doctor could see the blistering (I had never seen it before). Em screamed the whole time in the clinic, bless that Doctor for being so patient with us!

The verdict was nasty diaper rash caused by contact, which I knew any how. He prescribed a special cream to use and some Tylonel with codeine for Em. Now, I'm not an advocate of drugging your baby, but hot damn, this stuff works. I gave her the lowest dose listed and she slept from 7:30pm-7:30am. She would have slept even longer, but I went in when I heard her stirring. She went to sleep without her last bottle, slept through me undoing her diaper and spreading the cream on her (I had to pick it up later as they had to make it), she slept through a 4 hour thunderstorm that rocked the house and rattled the windows. She slept like she was back in her Harness, with her legs spread and bent, in her frog-leg pose. The kid didn't stir till this morning, and she hasn't slept through the night for the past two weeks. Keith says these are the best drugs ever. Silly man. Although I am tempted to agree with him. LOL

The rash is nasty looking this morning, and I'm not sure how she'll do with the sitter, but it's just 4 more hours and then I'm home for the weekend.

On another note, the job is getting better. The first week was hard and I felt so dumb...just out of it.

And here, for the fun of it, is a completely unrelated picture of Emmy, looking like she's calling me Cuckoo...maybe she's on to something! LOL

How I know I'm a Mom, reason 5,000,0000

As I was selecting music for my skookum 10 CD changer, half of the music selected was my preference...the other half was Emmy's. Apparently, Keith has no say. LOL


My name is Jan, and I'll be the one doing the hokey pokey on the way to dropping Em off at daycare.

My days as a SAHM are numbered...

And that number is 2. I go to work Tuesday afternoon. I have many, many mixed feelings about this. I am so sad about leaving Em, and yet there is a tiny part that is a bit excited about the opportunity.

August is the trial month. If I don't like it, or if Em has trouble adjusting...I will not continue. She is my first and ultimate priority. Financially, we are making ends meet right now, but it's always tight (like fish patties tight). This will give us some breathing room and maybe allow a splurge here or there. We'll see.

August is also the month of Em's follow up with the Orthopedic Surgeon. I believe her hips are fine, but the X-Rays will tell us for sure. It is also the month for shots and the follow up MMR vaccination. I am dreading that one since she had such a reaction at 12 months. (See picture below)

Em's new word

Just so you know....

Hiiiiiii-yup means "Hurry Up" and its what Em said, LOUDLY, in the drive-through at Tim Horton's yesterday. So loud that the worker actually said, "Did she tell me to hurry up???"

Yep. That's my kid.

Apparently, we need to have 'the talk' about politeness before she even has a full vocabulary.

It was SO FUNNY though, and truly you could not laugh. Which was good because right before that, we had a hellish trip to the drug store.

1. Got the stroller out of the back of the truck (can't wait to get a car, man!)
2. Get Em out of her car seat and *almost* put her in the stroller when I notice...
3. A big-ass spider on the seat. (I am arachnophobic). Holding Em in the air, I kick the stroller to see if the spider will kindly get off my kid's ride to no avail. I almost kick the stroller into traffic so I give up.
4. Put Em back in the truck.
5. Attempt to put the stroller into the truck without flipping it and getting the spider on me.
6. It's not going well.
7. Finally get it in by basically throwing it, then doing the heebie-jeebie dance in case the spider was unaware of my detest of it.
8. Get Em and carry her to the store.
9. Get a cart. Dig a loonie out of my purse for a cart, put my purse in the cart.
10. Put Em in the cart.
11. Grab my purse, miss, and it flips, emptying all over the ground. Change EVERYWHERE.
12. The cart has no seatbelt but tells you not to put a child in it without bucking them in. Thanks.
13. Try to pick up change while keeping curious Em in the cart. Thankfully, a kind passerby helped me.
14. Finally get into the store to buy my freaking razors since they were on freaking sale. So not worth the hassle.

And that's why I needed an iced coffee drink of yumminess.

Emerson - 17 months

A cute Emmy Story to tide you over..

Until I get out of my funk and back into regular posting.

We went for lunch with an old friend today. I haven't seen her in 6 years (at least!). She was showing Em and I her new car. As she opening the trunk, Em pipes up, "Oooooooh Woooooow" in her lil baby voice. IT WAS SO CUTE! We both cracked up at how perfectly timed it was.

Em's just started saying "wow"...and the littlest things are now utterly facinating, eliciting an "Ooooooooooh" or an "oh!!!!!" from her. So.Freaken.Cute.

I don't know and wouldn't want to know what my life would like without her. She's my Princess.

I'm sorry

I should get the bad blogger of the year award. I wish I had an excuse. I don't. I've been busy, but not more than usual.

Been sad, much more than usual. It's that time...the time when I should have had a newborn baby in my arms, and my daughter should have a baby sister she could touch. I'm really trying not to dwell, trying to keep myself busy with Em and life so I don't think of the day that is approaching, but it doesn't matter. Because the harder I try to ignore it, the more IN-MY-FACE it gets. I'm going for lunch with an old friend tommorow, one I haven't seen in 6 years, so that will keep my mind off things.

I had a dream last night where I was telling someone that I pumped 7 ounces of breastmilk. I don't know who I was telling since that never happened with Em at all. I was very proud of it though, showing off the container and everything. Apparently, I had a baby in the dream to feed that milk to? Who knows.

Anyhow, this is me, slugging through the days here. I'll be back, bear with me. Maddie's due date was July 30.

Whatever happened to Parenting?

I took Emmy to the waterspray park today. It's about the size of a corner store, with various water spraying and dumping things. It was busy. It's the hottest day of the year, so that shouldn't have surprised me.

I took Em, by the hand, just around the outskirts of the park to get her accustomed to the noise and the water. She was having fun, splashing in the puddles on the concrete. When a light-spray area quieted down, I picked her up and took her over to it.

She squealed as her hands played with the spray. She giggled as she felt the light spray on her face.

I put her down to see if she would walk through the spray. She did, squealing the whole time.

This would be the point that the two little shits decided to come up behind Emmy, and before I could even say anything, dumped a 2 L bottle of water over her head. Little Shit #2 actually used his super soaker on my 16 month old daughter who was trying to regain vision from the dousing she just took. She started to cry from it all.

I quickly grabbed Em and chastized the boys for picking on a TODDLER. I said that they need to find a willing playmate and not just surprise attack babies. Little shit #1 actually had the nerve to 'whatever' me. These boys were about 5 by my guess.

I turn around and come face-to-face with redneck jerk, who happens to be one of the little shits father. He lambasted me for chastizing his son. I replied, "If you would actually parent your child, I wouldn't have to." I explained what happened and he muttered something about 'expecting to get wet at a waterpark'. Well DUHHH, thanks for the update redneck jerk. My child was having FUN in the water before the two shits started bullying her. Redneck jerk told me to "Fuck off, Cunt" in front of, and within earshot of at least 20 children. Nice.

It took every ounce of reserve to just walk away. We went shopping and Em now has a pool of her own to play in to keep cool so Mommy doesn't have to go to the waterpark anytime soon.

Fun!

I'm here, I'm here, honest!

Wow, I've been busy these past two weeks which always means my blog suffers. My apologies to the possible 2.4 people that may read it. lol

I'll be back in full force tommorow, I promise.

I'm still on my no-Coke kick I've been bitchy as hell, having caffeine-withdrawl headaches AND I've gained 5 lbs. It's so fun to be me.

As far as the girl goes, well she's trying this "Let's see how little sleep Mom gets and still manages to function" thing these days. She hasn't slept past 4 am this week. Oh, I'm sorry. She slept till 4:30 am today. FUN.

Since we moved her upstairs, she's been sleeping good (till this week) and I've been sleeping like crap. I find myself waking several times a night to check on her. Crazy. No wonder I'm bitchy.

On Friday we had a bit of a scare. Apparently, I didn't cook the french toast quite enough and Em had an allergic reaction to the egg. She was all splotchy, bloodshot eyes from rubbing them, hives, and CRANKY. I rushed to the ER and luckily, she was just fine. I felt so bad. She's had eggs a few times before and no reaction. So, apparently Keith needs to cook all the meals since I'm incompetant! LOL I did learn though that if you bring a toddler in who is showing active signs of an allergic reaction, they don't make you wait. Go us! LOL

When it's time to change...

Monday, June 25th, 2007 will go down in history. It is the day I quit Coke. Yes, I am admitting to blog world that I am a recovering Coke addict. And before you all get me admitted to some drug rehab, I'm referring to the legal stuff in the red can, NOT the white powdery stuff. But if there are free donuts at rehab, I might be interested.

I've been drinking Coke for as long as I can remember. My Dad worked for Coke as I was growing up, therefore there were always superfluous amounts of caffeinated goodies around. Heck, some non-caffeinated ones too. It was all you-can-drink, 24-7 around my house. I don't once recall my parents trying to get me to drink something other than the ever-present pop in my hand. No wonder my teeth suck and I'm fat. Sheesh.

My brother and I were well-liked at class party time. My Dad would drop off a couple cases of A&W Root Beer, or some Sprite for the class to enjoy. It was probably the only reason I had any friends growing up. LOL

I am making this change to be a better example for Emmy, to be a healthier me, and hopefully, I'll shed some weight from this change. I quit smoking, so this should be a piece of cake comparitively. Wish me luck.

A little Mommy Talk

June 25: What was your favorite baby item that you could not live without?



I'll answer in the form of a picture. For me, my baby item that was non-negotiable (meaning if it broke I better get a new one now was...



The ironic part was that our original swing did break, and we did go get a new one. Then 32 days later, Em was put in the brace making the swing both unreturnable AND useless since she could't be in it with the brace.


It was worth the extra sleep for those 32 days though!

I've been ignoring my blog this week

because I've been addicted to Facebook. Facebook is evil. And that's all I've got to say about that.

Now, I have to reintroduce myself to Em. LOL

Things I Learned this Afternoon...

Things I learned this afternoon:

Madison was given an autopsy even though I expressly said I did not want one done. I only authorized genetic testing as I could not fathom thinking of them cutting my little baby up.

Madison did not have Down Syndrome despite the elevated risk on my triple screen (normal risk would have been 1 in 200 for my age, hers came back 1 in 62)

She did have 'multifactorial congenital heart failure' which would have caused her demise had my water not broken. The two problems with her heart were not compatible with life, and by all guesses, she would not have made it to term to have a chance for a transplant anyhow. We would not have known this if they didn't do an autopsy, so I guess I'll forgive the buggers for not listening to me. Wait, you bastards didn't listen to me! Jerks! It's okay, I forgive you. LOL

There was nothing I could have done to cause the heart issue, and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

There is a slight risk of having the same heart issue happen again, but it is low.

As far as TTC'ing again...the OB is more open to the idea. He said if we want to, that I should go in a few month's before to get my blood pressure meds changed to pregnancy-happy ones, and to get started on folic acid. He also said that if I want him to tie my tubes, he will do that with no questions asked. It is completely up to me.

So now, we just decide what we want to do. That's the hard part.

Why do we get dressed up for the OBGYN?

Really, outside of the whole 'socially unacceptable' thing, why not just show up naked? You know you are going to end up that way. (My apologies for any visuals I just caused).

Today is the day for my OBGYN appointment to find out Maddie's genetic results. I have no reason to suspect that I will have to be naked for this appointment since all he has to do is read a piece of paper to me. However, I have yet to see this doctor without being 1/2 naked.

Ahh, but I am prepared this time. No surprising me with the unprepared-for-PAP exam. I shaved my legs last night in anticipation. However, today Mother Nature decided to bless me with my period, so the leg shaving was for naught. My last cycle was 33 days, this one is 26, so who knows when my next one will hit. lol

This unexpected period should make an emotional appointment just that much easier. Nothing like talking about the baby you lost when you are in the throws of PMS hell.

At least I'm wearing a pretty blouse. lol

A Little Mommy Talk

June 18: How were your first few weeks at home? Sleeping, eating habits? Any baby blues/post-partum issues?

The first few weeks at home were hard. I really had *no idea* what I was doing. Thankfully, Keith, who was equally as unprepared, helped me so much in those first few weeks. He let me sleep more than he slept a lot of the time (and he was working 9+ hours a day), he sent me to bed whenever I looked like I needed it, he picked up all those little things at the pharmacy that I never imagined he would. (Such as Lanolin, pads, hemmeroid cream, all the embarrassing stuff).

For the first week, Em slept for 45 minutes at a time. We were in non-sleeping baby hell. My milk didn't come in till Day 7 post-partum, and even when it did come in, the supply was nada (I can officially say this for certain since I had milk after Maddie's stillbirth and it was AMPLE. I NEVER had that with Em. So, Day 7 post-partum, we supplemented with formula. It was a good day LOL. Em slepts for 2 hour stretches once she figured we weren't trying to starve her on purpose. lol.

She was a good eater, and once the formula was added to the routine, she consistantly gained weight. She had reflux, which was the only eating related issue, but that passed by 6 months pp.

Surprisingly, I had no pp depression. Even with my long history of depression, I didn't get it. I am thankful for that.

HELP!

Someone in Blog-land must know this. See my little jpeg of The Opinionate Parent on the right? How do I make that a clickable link? Please help! I seem to have tried everything and I'm still stumped.

Thanks!

Are you actually watching GOLF????

Yes, yes he is.

It's Father's Day, so I won't give him too much grief. However, I would like to point out that Keith doesn't normally watch ANY sports on TV, hence my suprise when I saw golf being shown on our TV.

Me: "Are you actually watching golf?"
Keith: "It's high-definition golf. The colours are more vibrant."
Me: "That doesn't change the fact that you are watching golf. "

Keith, for lack of a better phrase, is a high-definition slut. He didn't complain (for the very first time in the 5+ years that we've been together) when I turned on Grease. Why? Say it with me now...because it was in high-definition. High-definition apparently makes musicals and the-most-boring-sports-to-watch-on-TV, viewable.

On more of a Father's Day note, Keith went out to mow the lawn, and Emmy kept waving at him through the front window. It quite possibly was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Thank goodness he finally saw her waving, and came over to the window to acknowledge her. (He pressed his face up against the window, which caused her to go into hysterics.)

The sun rises at 4:03 AM

I know, since Em and I witnessed it this morning.

I don't know if its night terrors or teeth, or what but Em occasionally wakes up absolutely hysterical. Normally, I can get her to go back to sleep, but today I was unable to.

From 4-5 AM, I attempted to get her to snuggle with me on the couch, while we checked out the late-night offerings of Treehouse. During this hour, she,

• Pinched my lip
• Pinched my cheeks
• Pinched my eyelids
• Attempted to pluck my eyelashes several times
• Pulled my hair, alternating from one or two strands to a big handful
• Attempted to poke out my eyeballs
• Bit various fingers on me

Ahh, the abuse we take to keep the child happy! I know she was actually just exploring, but it was getting brutal! LOL

A Little Mommy Talk

Today's question:

What was it like going home from the hospital for you? Did your baby have any medical issues?

Emerson was born at 7:39 PM on Feb 20, 2006. She spent her first night in the Special Care nursery as she was grunting (common with C-Section babies). Other than the grunting, she had low blood sugar and a slight heart murmur. Overall, I felt like we won the baby lottery.

Home was the hard part. The first week SUCKED and I had no clue what I was doing and yet they sent this baby home with me. I was in a lot of pain from the C-section and I was really emotional. However, by week 2, I was feeling much better, physically and mentally.

(If anyone from my baby board is reading this, a collective sigh was probably made when they realized I was about to babble about Hip Dysplasia AGAIN. LOL I would talk about it often when Em was in the brace. To the point of boredom for them...well, they never said so, but really, how exciting ARE my kids' hips?)

At 7 weeks of age (2 days shy of her 2 month birthday), Em was diagnosed with Hip Dysplasia. She was firstborn, breech, and female. Three of the main risk factors for Hip Dysplasia. Now, personally, I never heard of this in humans before my daughter was diagnosed. I honestly thought it was a canine disease as I had only heard of dogs getting it. How foolish I was.

Thankfully, the Pediatrician looking after Em in the hospital insists on an ultrasound at birth for all female breech births. Her first ultrasound was inconclusive, and we had to go back for another a few weeks later. I am SO thankful for his persistance, as early intervention is critical for treating Hip Dysplasia.

Em was fitted with a Pavlik Harness 2 days shy of her second month birthday. You can see the Harness in the pics below:

The harness kept her legs abducted, opened wide, and bent. Her legs couldn't straighten in the harness. It was to be worn 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with 1 hour a week being free for baths. (Meaning bathing her once a week which SUCKED as she had reflux and would get pretty smelly! lol). It also prevented her from using any 'fun stuff', like her swing, and later on, the Jumperoo and Exercauser. She did still fit in the bouncey seat.

The first few days were the worst as Em got used to the harness and not being able to 'stretch'. (She would often try to stretch, realize she couldn't, then she would start crying). By Day 3, she was a pro and was handling it much better than I was.

I hated the harness. I despised that it put a barrier between my daughter and I. My little baby girl could only be in certain positions, and breastfeeding was a nightmare, I had just gotten used to one way and I had to relearn new positions. She wasn't my floppy lil baby anymore - the brace kept her rigid. I was mad that I couldn't put her in all the cute clothes I had for her, and I was mad that my baby had to go through this. Looking back, and ESPECIALLY going through everything with Maddie, I laugh at this now. How silly I was. It was a brace. My baby was still there, she was breathing and for the most part pretty content with it. But at the time, it seemed like such a big deal.

She wore the harness for 8 weeks full-time. Then, after her hips were deemed 'fixed', she was weaned from the harness, only wearing it at night for 4 more weeks. 12 weeks in total. It seemed so long at the time, and so short now. Her orthopedic surgeon laughed so hard when I told him the story of the first day of weaning her from the harness. About 3 hours of freedom and Em started screaming. NOTHING would make her happy. So, in desperation, I put the harness back on her and SHE STOPPED CRYING. My child was finally free, and she wanted to be bound up again! He said he was going to tell all the newly diagnosed patients parents that story. lol

I am always so thankful that it only took that time in the harness to cure her Dysplasia. Many families, who might not have gotten diagnosed as early as Em, or just have a more stubborn case, go through much more than we did including multiple surgeries and spica casts. The Pavlik Harness is 95 percent effective if treatment is started and finished by the time the baby is 6 months old. Em was 2 days shy of 2 months when it was put on, and she was 5 months when it was taken off. She was a bit delayed in some physical milestones, but she was bound up for 3 months! She is now hitting her physical milestones at an absolutely normal time!

I'm still thinking we won the baby lottery. :-) How thankful I am for that.

Gonna wash that grey right out of my hair...

I'm going to need to after the past two days.

Yesterday, I bathed Em, then stood her up to get toweled off. As she stood there, she peed. Then she fell in her pee.

Back into the tub we go.

Keith came up to help and got his foot wet in the puddle of 'water' on the floor. I didn't tell him it was pee. You should of heard his whining over getting his sock wet with water...you don't want to hear it if he knew it was urine. lol

I grab Em back out of the tub, and stand her on the floor again to towel off. She takes off and heads straight for the non-gated staircase (its gated at the bottom of the stairs). I have never run so fast to catch something. I'm even including sports days in school, bouquets tossed at weddings, etc. I was SO FREAKED. I caught her about 1 foot before she got to the staircase. Keith mocked me for freaking. I ignored him for the rest of the evening.

Emmy using my glass as a handwashing station



This is where I found her after I returned to the living room after talking to her Dad for 2.9 nanoseconds:


Yes, she scaled her high chair. As she demonstrated how she did it when I put her back on the floor.



I'm off to count the grey hairs.

It's been 3 months...

Since Maddie was born, and I'm okay with it. I still have moments where I'm not, but they are fewer and fewer. Things happen for a reason, losing Maddie happened for a reason. My grief has taught me just how precious life is, and how never to take pregnancy for granted.

In my mind, I still have the image of Maddie after she was born. I can remember her little taps in my belly the day before she passed. I hope that I never forget those memories.

I miss you Maddie.

Love,

Mommy

My afternoon? Well, it sucked. Thanks for asking.

Em wakes up from her nap at 1:30. I make her some lunch. As I pop a piece of bread in the toaster, I hear the "pop" noise that tells me she is fiddling with the gate. Sure enough, she is halfway up the stairs when I get there.

She, instead of eating the wonderous foods I have provided, chooses to spread them, paint-like, all along the wall beside her highchair and throw her toast on the floor (landing jam side down of course.

She has a diaper explosion, causing me to give her a much-needed but unscheduled bath.

After her bath, I make some tomato soup for myself for lunch, and sit down to eat it as she plays. She toddles over to my food and wants to try it. I limit tomato foods as they tend to make her rashy, but get her a spoon to share the soup. We will often eat off the same plate as my food tastes better than hers, even if its the same thing! lol

She grabs the bowl and the entire thing dumps all over her AND the carpet. She starts crying, I freak out thinking she might be burned (since she was crying) and quickly try to assess whether she is or not (she wasn't, but sure did resemble a horror movie with all that tomato soup all over her).

Second unscheduled bath of the day.

I put her in the playpen after her bath so I can deal with the carpet mess. I get the steam cleaner out, which causes Em to cry and scream the entire time as she hates the vaccuum and the steam cleaner.

20 minutes of Em screaming later, and the carpet is clean.

I just sit down and Keith calls. I ask him to bring me home a Coke and he says, "Can't you go out when I get home and get one? I've had a bad day."

I'm sure you have. Ass.

After I wrote this bitch-session, Em smeared her afternoon snack all over my newly cleaned carpet. And all over herself. There was sticky Nutrigrain bits in her DIAPER (I didn't put clothes on her after bath #2). I would put her in the bath again but I'm just past caring any longer. The ants, there gonna come searching for my kid. LOL

I love my daughter, I love my daughter, I love my daughter.

A Little Mommy Talk

Monday, June 4, 2007

Today's request is to write out our birth stories...

Emerson's is located here in my blog already. http://babysaysbaff.blogspot.com/2006/02/welcome-to-world-miss-emerson-faith.html

Madison's birth

Now, Maddie's birth was obviously emotional as we knew she had passed away in utereo as of February 26, 2007. I was induced unsuccessfully from Feb 26-March 2nd, and then sent home to relax over the weekend. The following is Maddie's birth story that I posted a week after Maddie's birth on my baby board.

On Monday, March 5th, at 8 am Keith and I walked up the hallway at PGRH that would take me to Labor and Delivery. This would be my second visit to the ward to be induced, as the induction the previous week (Feb 27-March 2) failed.

We were led to room 214, a different room from last week's 208 (which was the same room I was in for Em's birth). Sharon was my nurse which made me happy as she and I got along well. She expressed surprise that the induction didn't work the previous week, or that I hadn't gone into labor on my own over the weekend.

She told me to get changed, and she would go page Dr. Kingston (the OBGYN) to come get my induction started. Keith kissed me goodbye and says he will call at 10 am to see what is going on. He leaves for work. I spoke to Sharon about 'the power of positive thinking' and how this was going to work today because I didn't want to be away from Keith and Em for another 4 days. She agreed it would work.

Less than 10 minutes later, Dr. Kingston strides into my room. I laugh and tell him that was pretty damn quick being that he was just being paged 10 minutes ago. He laughed and said he was in the hospital already. He sits on my bed and explains that instead of taking the induction drugs orally as I did last week, we would try them vaginally this time. They didn't work orally and they have a better track record being used vaginally. He indicated that they would monitor me closely for signs of infection which was the reason he didn't want to go this route last week. I agree as I didn't want to revisit the failed induction of last week.

Sharon comes in and Dr. Kingston goes over the insertion process with her. It's definitely more invasive as the Mistoprostol is inserted vaginally and sits on the cervix to dissolve. Good news is that we can start at the highest dose, bad news is the nurses have to vaginally insert it every 4 hours. At 9:30(ish), my first dose is inserted and I set up my DVD player to watch videos and my notebook to write in as I wait. At 10 am, Sharon brings me some toast as I have to take my blood pressure meds. We chat about things and I eat my breakfast and take my meds.

At 11 am, the nurse comes to insert my IV. They had difficulties with this last week (took a minimum of 4 tries each time) as I have terrible veins. My arms are bruised from the attempts last week, and I was not looking forward to repeating the experience. Thankfully, the nurse manages to get it going in the first try! Wooohooo!

At 12:30 PM, lunch is brought in. I eat and await my next induction meds. At 1:30 PM, Sharon comes in to insert the meds again. I am feeling a bit discouraged as I didn't feel any different so far. She said the pills from the morning had dissolved, which was good. (Sometimes they can sit in there and not dissolve.) Feeling a bit discouraged, I settle down and watch Friends, Season 1 on the DVD player.

At 5:30, after eating dinner, Sharon comes in to insert the next dose. She is surprised as the 1 PM dose didn't dissolve. She places the new dose against my cervix and repositions the 1 PM dose so it will dissolve. Immediately, I feel pressure from this.

Dr. Kingston comes in around 6 pm and I tell him about the pressure I am feeling. I also had some pink spotting when I went pee. He seems excited by this development (Only an OBGYN could get excited about pressure and spotting! LOL).

Sharon came to say goodnight at 7 pm, right when Emmy and Keith had come in to visit. I introduced Emmy to the nurses that were on, and I had great fun trying to keep her from pulling out my IV. lol At 9 pm, Keith leaves with Emmy. Since Em had spent 4 nights away from home last week, we felt she should stay at home with Keith that night. I warned Keith that I thought I might be in early labor, and he said he would let Poppy know in case he had to drop Em off later.

At 9:30 PM, the new nurse *Evil Hag Nurse (will be refered to as EHN from here on in. You know, for privacy reasons, not because I still hold a grudge or anything) came in to insert my induction drugs. Her and I didn't mesh from the start as this was our first meeting and she was being a bit standoffish. Her first words to me were "I don't know why you can't take these orally, it's much easier." (In reference to the drugs). When I indicated that I had been through 4 days of that with no progress, she shrugged. To say I wanted to hit her would be an understatement. She inserted my meds and I found I was extremely sore in the pelvic region. At 10 pm, I buzzed and asked for my Lorazepam for sleep. I was still feeling a lot of pressure and there was more blood when I wiped. She brought me my meds and I went to sleep.

At 1 AM, EHN flips on the light and immediately starts asking me questions (whether I am feeling progress etc). I indicate that I was asleep so I didn't know and that I had to pee before she put the drugs in. She visably sighed when I said that and I wanted to scream obscenities at her and her attitude. She continued talking to me as I peed, and I ignored her. The rest of my water broke when I stood up after peeing. I told her that and she didn't seem to register what I said. She inserted the meds, and proceeded to take my vitals. I had spiked a fever so she had to get me a shot of antibiotics to ward off infection.

By 2:30 AM, labor was in full swing and I was now aware of what they meant by "You'll know when labor hits". My back was spasming, the tops of my legs would ache with every contraction, and I was hurting. I buzzed for a shot of Demerol or Morphine as I was not a happy camper. They brought me a shot of Demerol and Gravol that did absolutely NOTHING.

At 3 am, I buzzed again and asked if I could have anything else, and she said no. I know my orders had Morphine up to 5 MG every 4 hours, yet she was refusing anything more. I could understand holding back the drugs for Mom's whose babies were going to be coming out alive, but it's not like they were going to hurt my baby by giving me more Morphine. I was not happy but just closed my eyes and tried to relax.

When the contractions would hit, I would breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as they instructed (HELLO, ONLY HAD A C-SECTION BEFORE THIS! LOL). Yet, even though I was obviously breathing, they would come over and touch me and tell me to breathe. HELLO? WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING??? QUIT TOUCHING ME!!!

At 4:30, they asked if I had called my husband. Well, actually morons, it was listed that you guys were supposed to when you thought it was time for him to come, since I HAVE NO IDEA. I called, and Keith was so dozy, I knew he wouldn't wake up without a few phone calls. I was too grumpy to keep at it and just decided to let him sleep. As you can tell, my tension level was getting pretty high at this point.

At 5 am, when EHN informed me that she had to stick her fingers in my hoo-haw to insert my next induction drugs, I nearly killed her. SERIOUSLY??!?! IN FULL LABOR HERE CHICK, WHY DO WE NEED THOSE? She indicated that she had to insert them because it was 'protocol'. Whatever! To say that her putting the next dose in was uncomfortable would be the understatement of the year.

At this point, contractions were coming every two minutes. My eyes were closed and I was just trying to breathe through them. I heard the other nurse tell EHN that as I was trying to envision ways to maim EHN in my mind. EHN informed me that if Keith didn't come soon, he would probably miss it. I informed her that he wasn't coming. At some point in here, they decide to give me 2 Tylonel 3's for pain. Yes, because those will help. They also give me some Ativan. Hi...how about something that might work for this intense fricken pain, people??? This is a hospital for crying out loud! Give me some good drugs!

At 5:30 ish, they wheel in the gas. I am excited as I now have something to beat EHN with if she tried to come near me again with her freaking induction drugs and her protocol. I never actually get to use it as it takes them the next 1/2 an hour to figure out how to hook it up. By that point, I had delivered. At 5:55 I felt this 'pop' and I felt Maddie slide down the birth canal. It was a surreal feeling as I didn't push, she just sort of fell out of me. I yelled for The Evil Hag Nurse to check me as I felt her sitting there. I then realized why all the other nurses made me pee in the hat...when she decided to come, there was no pushing needed. The nurses come over to deal with the baby. There was no Doctor called at all.

I am scared to open my eyes because I am not sure what Maddie will look like as she had been passed for a week with no amniotic fluid. I wait for a long time for the nurses to talk to me about the baby. Without opening my eyes, I ask whether it was a boy or a girl. EHN says, "Girl I think." YOU THINK? DO YOU THINK YOU COULD VERIFY THAT? I was looking for the gas cannister to beat her with by this point. The second nurse verifies that it is a little girl. I start crying and I open my eyes. They are wrapping Maddie in a blue surgical cloth. They ask if I want to hold her. I say yes. As she's put in my hands, I cry harder. It was almost as if everyone else disappeared in those precious few moments that I had with Maddie. She's so tiny but everything is there and formed. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, tiny precious eyes that are closed in her forever sleep. She weighed so little, and was the length of my hand. She was more red that the average newborn, but absolutely perfect and beautiful. I never wanted to let go.

However, EHN wanted me to pee to have gravity help my placenta out since it wasn't coming out. I let go of Maddie, completely forgetting to get a picture of her and sat on the bedside commode they brought over. I felt something fall out of me, but it was just a blood clot, and not the placenta. I got back into bed, and the next few hours were a blur. I remember Dr. Kingston coming in at 7 and sticking his arm up my uterus and tugging (No one warned me of that pleasantry!). He then decided I needed a D&C since I had only delivered part of my placenta. I was wheeled down to surgery.

I woke up back in my room around 11 am and the anesthesiologist was sitting in the chair. He explains that he broke part of my front tooth when he was removing the breathing tube. Thanks. That's the topper to my week. Ass.

Dr. Kingston comes in and talks about the surgery and the testing they want to send Maddie for. Keith is there at this point and talks me into the testing. I sleep on and off during the early afternoon. Dr. Kingston returns and says I am welcome to stay but I can go if I want. I decide to leave. By 4 pm, we were on our way home.

The Cuteness of Emmy (I'm just a wee bit biased!)