I miss you, my Mommy

New Words!!!

Whenever I seem to think Emmy isn't talking as much as she should be, she certainly goes out of her way to prove me wrong. New Emmy words and phrases (some on the video's I have shared): I have spelled then as she says them, so no mocking the spelling! LOL
Oj Juice (orange juice)
No (not new but VERY prevalent in Em's vocab these days! LOL
Mommies (sadly, this refers to both Keith and I, I think we goofed her up when I was immobile!
mys (mine)
Da-Dow (Dora and/or Diego - she refers to both by this name, kind of like the Mommies LOL.
Na-Night (Night Night) and she gives me a wave as she heads up the stairs to bed.
Feeshies (Fishies)
Ahhhh Man! (whenever she drops something...I say this all the time. lol)
Mys Mommies awwwwwww
I miss you (Can you break my heart a bit more Emmy??? LOL)

We still can't understand a lot of what she says, but we are slowly being assimilated into 'Emmy-ese".

"Da-dow" aka Dora

How quickly we forget...

Keith and I were chatting last night about how much Emmy has changed in the almost-two-years since she was born. Keith mentioned how he used to make Emmy giggle by swinging her back and forth in his arms. I replied, yes, back when she was in her brace. "Oh yeah," said Keith, "the brace! I totally forgot that she was in that!"

And that, my friends, is parenthood in a nutshell. It's not that Emmy's time in the brace was forgettable, it's just that it doesn't define her. Every moment of our time together, she gives us a new memory and eventually 'life in the brace', while overwhelming at the time, gets pushed away as these new memories and experiences fill our minds and hearts. Toddlerhood is SO full of change, some days, I feel like I am unable to keep up.

Remember Chucky???

Emmy found Keith's copy of the book of Child's Play. (By found I mean she climbed up her highchair and emptied the bookshelf that is hidden behind it of course)
She looked at Chucky on the cover (thankfully the least scary picture of him I have ever seen) and said, "Baby". That's one scary baby, Em.

For the record...

Still sick.
Still sound like a 15 year old boy whose voice is changing.

At work yesterday, I was the front counter person. Meaning I had to call #'s all day to call the clients to the front. Luckily, today they took pity on me and gave me a non-speaking role. LOL

I went to the medical clinic tonight and a nice doctor took pity on me and prescribed me an antibiotic. He is quite possibly my best friend EVER. lol

The one where Jan gets sick

Remember that Friend's episode when Phoebe caught a bad cold and got her 'sexy' voice? My life kinda resembles that episode right now. Well, except I don't sing in a coffee shop and I am not best friends with anyone named Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross or Rachel. So it's not an exact match. LOL

My life resembles that episode because a) I have a bad cold ala Phoebe in that episode, and b) Keith keeps making me do my 'cute' laugh that I only apparently get when I am knockin' on death's door. Who knew feeling so crummy could actually UP my cuteness factor? Not me. Apparently, he's able to ignore the constant nose blowing, moaning and my hoarse whisper of a voice I have left. But, I do have a cute laugh apparently. I can assure you though, unlike Phoebe, I will not be trying to 're-catch' this cold once I am better.

For the record, all three of us are sick, so I shouldn't whine too much. Em got it first, then I got it, and Keith, who was holding out finally succumbed to it on Friday. I however, am the only one who lost her voice, so I can whine about that. Should make work interesting tommorow. Wonder how quick I can learn shorthand?

Happy New Year!

As I prepare myself to welcome in 2008, I can't say I am terribly sad to say goodbye to 2007. The past year has been the hardest year emotionally for me in my entire life, and not just because of Maddie, although she is obviously a big piece of it.

However, with the bad, came some good. Which is good, 'cause otherwise I would have been booked into the looney bin by now!

The Bad

• My father's addiction to gambling and where it has lead my parents
• Maddie's Pregnancy (by this I mean the blood pressure issues/Vertigo/sickness)
• My water breaking at 18 weeks
• Maddie dying at 18 weeks 1 day
• Delivering Maddie's body at 19 weeks 1 day, after a week of induction.
• Having my online friends fighting and a split of the baby board I was part of since I was preggo with Emmy
• Breaking my ankle, and being immobile for 8+ weeks

The Good

• The knowledge that my parent's are safe from their own demons for the time being
• Still being able to remember what Maddie's movements felt like. Little tip-taps.
• The fact I can remember Maddie's death and birth without crying, because it really is okay. Sure, I still get a twinge in my heart when I think about her, but my grief is not all-powerful and overwhelming like it was in the beginning. I will always miss her, but it's missing 'what could have been', not something I had any control over.
• Having such wonderful friends and family that stood by me when I was not the nicest person when dealing with my grief. They stuck through it, and are here today. I can't even begin to express how that makes me feel.
• Breaking my ankle so I had an excuse to quit a job that was absolutely life sucking. If I was mobile at the time, I would have jumped for joy!
• Getting my dream job a few weeks later
• Feeling like I am contributing, like I am a valued employee - it is such a confidence boost.
• That my lil family unit is happy, healthy and safe. We have a roof over our heads, lots of food to eat, and we are warm, comfortable and together.

There are more good than bad, and with my new job, I have felt so much positive energy run through me. These are the happiest days of my life (outside of when Emmy was born of course!)

I wish all of you a beautiful new year's, may you be happy, safe, and be surrounded by love. Thank you for reading my blog :-)

Distracted Emmy Dancing!

Dora Takes Over Christmas

Christmas 2007

Merry Christmas, my friends

I wish each and every one of you the happiest of Christmases, and hopes for a joyous new year. Yes, even you, person who left the 'not so understanding comment' on my blog a few weeks back. For you, I wish you peace and love in your heart.

Take joy in those you love, and whom love you back this holiday season. I know I will be.

The Timbits made her do it...

Timbits:From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Timbits is the brand name of bite-sized doughnut balls sold at the Canadian Tim Hortons restaurant chain. Timbits are sometimes referred to as "doughnut holes", as they are often assumed to be made from the part of a full doughnut that is "cut out" to make a doughnut's hole. Timbits are in fact made from separate balls of dough as many of the menu's doughnuts do not have holes. The treats were introduced in April 1976, shortly after Tim Horton's death in 1974, and are now available in a selection of varieties that differs from store to store. Some of the most popular flavours are chocolate, jelly-filled, honey dip, and apple fritter.

I love Timbits. I am Canadian, therefore Timbits are a part of life. I occasionally, (and I do mean occasionally) let Emmy have one or two as a treat. Take that, those people who say I am too strict with her diet. LOL

This evening, as I made my way home from shopping, I decided to bring a treat home for Keith and Emmy. So I stopped at Timmies, got two Iced Capp's and a 20 pack of Timbits.

Since Emmy is Canadian, she too loves the Timbit. In fact, the child knows the box they come in, even though she may have only seen it a time or two. So, imagine her excitement when she sees Mom with the box of holy goodness in her hand. She goes WILD. I do mean wild. It was like she was possessed, she was talking in her new 'funny voice' a gravelly version of her normally one which sounds slightly demonic. She chased me around wanting access to the box o'goodness. If I hadn't of given her one, I am not sure what would have happened. I might not be here today.

She got 2 in total, and I went to put the box away. She FREAKED. This was the beginning of an hour-long tantrum complete with throwing herself on the floor, and alternatively sucking up to either Keith or I, whomever she thought would give in to her first.

We stood strong, although hard to do when she is so upset, but I did not want to teach her that crying will get her everything.

And this is why there will no longer be any Timbits in this house. Wah.

Silent Night...

Emmy was so exhausted last night, she fell asleep before dinner, before bath, before diaper change. She slept through Keith taking her to bed upstairs, and slept through the night. She awoke at 8:15 this morning. She's been fighting a cold (still!) and teething again this week, poor kid.

Em's first tobbogan ride

The weather warmed up this week to a balmy -5, so we were able to take Em outside for some fun in the snow. It had been hovering around -20 and colder, so this was a welcome trip outside.
Keith took Em up and down our driveway in her toboggan. She was squealing and giggling, and Keith keeps talking about how we need to take her out tommorow (his day off). I think he had as much fun as she did. We didn't take her out in the snow at all last year since she was so

young. She's able to walk this year, which she finds facinating in the snow.

Grocery Shopping with a Toddler

I may attempt this again when Em is...umm...8? Then she won't be a toddler anymore and all will be good????? LOL One can hope.

Some examples of the trip: (most of which amused me, except when she was being baby with attitude lol)

"Oj!! Oj!!!" Everytime she saw a box of Mandarin oranges in someone's cart. It's Christmas time, everyone has oranges in their cart.

"Hi yooooou" to everyone she found interesting. She says it like Blue from Blue's room, since she apparently watched that show too much. It's quite adorable, but the kid wouldn't sit on Santa's lap without crying, but will talk to perfect strangers! LOL

Produce section was full of Em saying, "Nana Nana!" (banana's) which she wanted that moment. Of course, I couldn't give her one since you pay by the weight, so she kept trying to grab them in the cart.
Same as above when I bought Mandarin Oranges except of course, she said "Oj"
Same as above when she saw the apples "Abble! Abble!"

The cutest thing was when we were in breads, and another Mom parked her cart beside ours so her baby could say hi to Em. They were adorable together, although Em tried to climb out of our cart to go visit the new friend. lol

I should mention that these carts don't have seatbelts, so I am always wary of having her in them anyhow.

By the dairy aisle, off came her boots.
By the toilet paper aisle, off came her coat.
By the frozen food aisle, off came her socks.
By the bread aisle, attempts to remove her shirt which were blocked by me, much to her dismay.

Even with all this, it was fine till checkout. Then Em freaked out, started crying, wanting to be held (hard to do when you have to bag your own groceries) and generally being a snot. She whipped off most of the clothes that I had redressed her in, and constantly tried to climb out of the cart. I am guessing she was just overstimulated, as once we were out of the store, she was perfectly fine. That, or she devised a plan in her mind to stress Mom out in a hurry!

Bad Santa

Em visited Santa yesterday and promptly started crying. We are so mean. lol

Silly Emmy! LOL

Training today

I spent the day in a seminar about detecting and reporting child abuse. As I tend to be emotional when kids are involved anyhow, I found it so hard to watch the 'examples' of it on the slides. Who could do that to an innocent child? Or in the cases of neglect, who could be so 'busy' or self-aborbed that you aren't watching your own child? I know that there are times when I am trying to get dinner going that I am not 100 % watching Em's every move, but she's in a gated off, childproof area. It took 5-10 minutes to do. It's not hard.

We brought them into this world, and it's our job to take care of them until they are grown. Parenthood should never be taken lightly. A quote I read somewhere, "It's easier to raise them right than fix a broken adult."

My girl...

New Pictures

Now you might be saying, "What the hell? It's your kid laying on the couch! Why take a pic of it and post it on your blog?" Well, because I can, that's why! LOL Actually, these were taken the other night as Keith and I were commenting how big Em is getting. She climbed up on the couch after her bath, covered up with the blanket, and was content to lay there, watching the movie we had on.

They grow SO fast! Everyone says it, but until you experience it, you just don't get it.

Proof: Emmy one year ago

Notice the lack of hair & teeth!
Emmy from last night with her big 'cheesy grin' she gets whenever the red light goes off on the camera:



How much do YOU change in a year??? LOL

Halloween 2007

There was no trick or treating for Emmy this year, but we did hand out candy until Keith got home from work (gotta work on that candy Karma for when Em does start next year). I felt *slightly* bad motherish for denying her, but I did have valid reasons. 1. She wouldn't be allowed to eat the candy, 2. As I am in a wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to take her up to the door, and I would miss her first trick or treating experience, and 3. I personally don't believe that kids should be trick or treating if they can't SAY IT. Now, if said child has older siblings who would be out anyhow, then that is an exception to my rule. LOL For example, my neighbour brought by her son (3) and daughter (1). The son said trick or treat so it was all good. LOL

Now, I didn't deny Em everything. After Keith came home, we went to Grandma's house where she was in a bad mood (Emmy, not Grandma!) and then to Auntie & Uncle's house where Em started crying 'cause Uncle put on a scary mask. Good times, good times.

Here are some pics from Grandma's house

Neither here nor there...

I completed my first week of work, and I LOVED it. I wasn't prepared for how much I would miss Emmy though, which is funny since we hadn't spent the weekdays together for a while. Still missed her like crazy! I would hear a toddler in our waiting room, and my thoughts would instantly go to her.

Speaking of Miss Emmy, she is continuing to grasp new words. Today was "nana" as I got a banana for her. Pretty simple stuff, but I love when she surprises me!

Finally, (this is a short entry as Desperate Housewives is coming on!) it is my Mom's birthday today. All day I have thought of her, and I do hope she doing okay where she is. At the very least, I know she is being taken care of.

My lil chickadee

She did it! She did it!

Miss Emerson FINALLY slept through the night. Mind you, she was up till 10:30 because she fell asleep in the car while we were doing errands, therefore having boundless energy when we got home. So, it's not a complete victory, but still was damn fine to wake up at 7:30 am without having that 3 am wakeup!

Em is 20 months old today. I can't even begin to verbalize how I am feeling about that. 20 months. Where did it go?

Love you, Mom

Em has said this phrase to me the last two mornings when leaving for daycare. Now, I say it to her every morning, and we wave frantically to each other (it's quite funny to watch) before her and Keith leave. However, the addition of that one phrase from Em has made my week. Do I think she knows what she is saying? Nahh, I think she's just repeating since I've said it to her everyday for the past 20 months, but for some reason, it just doesn't matter. It makes me happy just the same. :-)

For the record (for anyone who is still counting) Emmy has STILL not slept through the night since I hurt myself. She wakes up around 3 in a panic and won't calm down till she is sleeping with one of us (usually me). At least she will go back to sleep once she's with us, so it could be worse.

Pictures of my ankle (I warned you!)

On Tuesday, my cast was removed and, surprisingly, not reattached. I assumed I would have a cast for 6 weeks. However, that leads to arthritis, according to the Ortho Doc. I have been a bit fearful as I have this broken ankle that I am not allowed to put any weight on for 4 weeks OUT IN THE OPEN. Em hasn't been curious at all, but then, she didn't seem to notice my cast either. I guess we can take 'observant' off the list of skills my daughter possesses! lol

I've managed to not hurt it so far, and am actually much happier without the cast. I was able to soak in the tub last night for the first time in 3+ weeks. If the darn water hadn't of gotten cold, I would still be in there. It seemed to be slightly less work for Keith as well, which is nice. Previously, he had to help me to the downstairs shower, put towels down, help me into the chair that is in the shower, then clean up after me. I pretty much did everything for my bath.

3 1/2 more weeks till I see the Orthopedic surgeon again and I start putting weight on it.

For those not-faint-of-heart, here are some pics of the cast-less ankle.

She's got the upper hand today!

Now, I will preface this with the fact that I love my darling girl more than anything. However, today, I was seriously considering shipping her off to someone.

Em is still in daycare during the week while I heal. As I will be returning to work soon, we felt it was better not to disrupt her routine. As well, since I am operating with a broken leg, I'm not much fun for her these days. So, she goes off and plays with her friends and I sit at home and moan my state of affairs (the broken leg and an absessed tooth this week).

Today, however, is Saturday, which means Em is at home with me all day. Alone. Keith is at work. Normally, its a bit difficult to take care of her, but not impossible. Then today happened.

Before 10 am, Em had

• Put her dirty sock in my glass of iced tea
• Had 2 poopy diapers that she fussed and moved like a snake through
• Knocked over the aforementioned iced tea
• Acted like we gave her copious amounts of sugar (we didn't)
• Would not listen to the simplest command that I KNOW she understands
• Took the cordless phone and hid it in the living room (I know she didn't purposely hide it rather just dropped it when her 20 second attention span ran out).

This is all before 10 AM! I discovered the phone was missing when Keith called to check in. Boy was that fun to find. I knew I had to find it as he worries when I don't answer. (You know, since I fall all the time, break bones, etc LOL) So I knew I had to find it before he started worrying too much! She didn't go to sleep until nearly 3 pm (normally noon) so I can officially say that she's had a day. However, she will probably sleep till when Keith gets home, so the whole 'sole responsibility thing has been lifted from my shoulders. Then he can return my wheelchair to me (she wheeled it across the room) and my walker (she moved it from my reach). lol However, I just need to look at her smiling face and I'm done. I wonder if I can claim abuse? My toddler is abusing me LOL

On another note, we FINALLY sold our Jeep today. The credit card company will be happy with that payment! LOL

She is so funny!

Gosh, I am loving toddlerhood. Well, I would love it a teensy bit more if she could get food into her mouth without smearing it all over, or picking her nose, or sleeping through the night. She hasn't slept through the night since I fell down the stairs. Poor kid, she's probably traumatized. Hell, I'd be scared seeing my ass rolling down the stairs towards...um, well, me.

Cute recent things from Miss Emmy.

1) "Oh noooooo" complete with hands over the ears. This was particularly funny after she purposely dumped a bag of Cheerios on the floor.

2) Teaching her to go down the stairs on her bum like Mom does these days. She runs over to the stairs, sits on the bottom step, grins and claps (wanting you to clap for her). I give her a clap and a "yay" since you are only this age once, and hell if I am ruining her self-esteem even though she didn't do anything! lol

3) she loves when Daddy gives her rides in my wheelchair. Strollers? Not so much, wheelchairs, she loves.

4)She talks SO much. I cannot understand 80% of what my own child is saying. This is sad.

5) Her mad determination to rid herself of clothing and then try to put it back on unsuccessfully.

I love being a Mom!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

What I am most thankful for this year can best be described by the picture above. I am thankful for the blessing of having Keith as my partner and Emerson my daughter. I feel like my dreams came true when each of them arrived into my life. Keith has been so much of a help since I broke my leg, I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

There are many other blessings in my life that I am thankful for this year. I am thankful for the friendships I have, the reconnecting with aunts and cousins, health among all that I care for.

I am thankful for this new job opportunity, for the chance to show what I am made of. I cannot wait to start. Oh wait, yes I can, I am still injured! LOL

I am even thankful for where my parents are at the moment, as it means they are safe.

So many blessings zip by us daily. I know I don't always recognize them, or give them the credit due. So, here's to life and its many blessings. I wish each and every one of you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

House O'Stairs

You know, there was always a reason I didn't love this house quite as much as Keith does. There are stairs EVERWHERE. Seriously. Since Thursday, I have been restricted to the living room and the kitchen, since every other room requires some stair tackling to get to. If you just think I am being lazy, come here, I'll break your ankle and you can see how awesome it feels. Or how sexy it feels to use a wheelchair commode since the bathroom is up 14 stairs. The same 14 stairs I fell down and got me into this mess in the first place. Life is fun.

On a much less whiney note, I have been offered a new job. Not only does this new job pay over double what I was making, it is something I have wanted to do for years. I start October 22, and although I won't be healed yet, the office is wheelchair accessible which means NO FREAKING STAIRS! Between my parent's crap, losing Maddie, and breaking my ankle, I seriously thought I kicked puppies in my past life or something. It's not been a stellar year.

The casualty of my injury was my ankle of course, and my former job that I have been working at for the past few months. There are 2 small flights of stairs to manoever which has kept me away. (Oh, and the throbbing pain when my foot isn't elevated. So, I quit this morning. I'm sure I am not their favorite person right now, but what could I do?

My blog is sadly lacking in pictures of my munchkin. Last week she was injured from her fight with the 4 year old at daycare and resembled Rocky, and then of course I broke my leg. However, I will take some new ones tonight.

Injured Jan

I'm broken. Well, at least my left ankle is. It's amazing how integral that one joint is for things such as walking. lol



On Wednesday, there was some crazy crap happening on my baby board. I had gone upstairs to use the washroom and on my way down, I either missed a stair or tripped, I don't recall. All I know is I freaked my child out and hurt my foot something fierce!



We called 911 since I couldn't move and off to the hospital I went. Diagnosis: Broken left ankle requiring surgery to fix. They sent me home (after they cut off my pants!) since there were no beds. For all those with scary visuals right now, Keith brought me some shorts to wear.

I returned to the hospital on Thursday for my surgery, and now here I sit, pretty much immobile. I have crutches that I need to practise with, but Keith keeps hiding them (so I don't injure myself further). I did manage to change Em's diaper today, without assistance, while on the recliner, so I'm not completely useless, just feel that way.

It's no wonder I have high blood pressure!

So, Keith says to me tonight, "We should make sure Em gets to bed by 8 pm. She went to bed late last night and was up in the middle of the night."

Really? I wasn't aware of that fact. Oh wait, was that my child trying to pluck my eyelashes and poke out my eyeballs at 11:30 PM when I brought her to my bed? Yes, I think it was. Was it me that woke up with a sore back from having to sleep in the same position all night? Why yes. Was it him making noise downstairs that roused her from sleep in the first place? Why yes, it was.

For the record, I told HIM the same thing last week as he likes to let her stay up till -9:30 (thinking she will sleep later that way) Okay, I've vented now.

Such a lil goof!

My little girl is 19 months old this past week, and she's just too funny. She loves to put her laundry hamper over her head and walk around - usually falling. The second picture I will be sure to show her future fiance! LOL

Em versus Spaghetti

We are still determining who the winner is. Definitely not the walls or the high chair.

I am not a lover of the "Messy baby" pics, as they make me want to grab the wet ones and clean the baby, but I relented on this one. The girl didn't miss an inch, and I'm not sure how much actually made it into her stomach. LOL

Busy, busy, busy

So sorry blogger world, I've been ignoring you. Work is life-sucking. Seriously. I need to win the freaking lottery.

By the end of the week, Em was the one crying when I left her at daycare (heartbreaking) and I managed not to cry. She got a nice gift from daycare as well, the cold that has prevented any of us from getting any sleep this weekend. Life's good.

First Day

Em's first day of daycare occurred today. She did great, toddled off as soon as I put her down at the daycare in the morning. Me? Not so much. I cried myself to work. Cried isn't even accurate. I sobbed. I didn't think I would make it through the day. I did, but this morning was the hardest thing I had to do since Maddie really.

It's like someone turned on a light switch

And either Em started getting clearer with her words, or we just started 'getting it'. This past week has been crazy for new words, as I mentioned in my previous post.

On Friday, Keith took Em to his Mom's and she said "G'maw" for the first time. Keith's mom was no doubt happy about the acknowledgement and I was excited.

Although, it stands to reason that my parent's could be brought into this conversation as well. If they even cared one iota about anyone but themselves, they would be able to experience the pure joy that Em brings. But, they aren't interested. I spoke to my Mom over 2 weeks ago, and she said she was going to mail me the following day with an address that her and I could keep in touch through. Funny. I've received nothing. Just another lie to make it seem like she cares. Well, fortunately, Em won't ever have the chance to be hurt by them, because she will never know them. Although that is a choice I'm making, it's their disregard for our family that caused it.

"That's Good"

Good news: we have a new 2 word phrase in the house.

Bad news: She's using it to strike us parents in the heart. LOL

A conversation overheard as I was emptying the dishwasher...

Keith: Love you, Emmy.
Emmy: That's good.

Yup. That's my kid.

On the body naming front, she will now point to her nose when you ask her to. Ask her to point to her belly button, and she will pick her nose, so we're still working on that. However, even on Monday, she couldn't point to the nose, so I'm impressed!

Also, we were playing 'pattycake' this morning, and she said, clear as a bell, "Pat". She is having a language exposion here!

"Woof Woof"

said Em today to the dog she could not see, but could hear. Yahoo! We have an animal sound, could I get back that 18 month old questionairre I had to fill out yesterday, 'cause I need to check that off.

However, I missed this milestone, as I was at work. I've failed as a Mom again. Sheesh. At least Keith heard it.

Speaking of the 'questionairre', this was a 10 page quiz on whether your kid is hopelessly behind or not that we had to fill out at Em's 18 month shots appointment yesterday. I seem to remember ticking more "yes, she does this" than "no, my kid doesn't even attempt this" so that's gotta mean something. They also let me take her home, so that must mean I haven't messed her up developmentally so far. LOL

What Em doesn't do that she 'should be' (according to the experts:
She should be able to name a body part. I've gotten her to point to her belly button once when I asked her too. Personally, I think it was fluke and she just happened to see her belly button and said, "ooooooh what's that????". We work on this everyday, but the best I can get are giggles.

She should have 8 words outside of "Mom" and "Dad". She has more than that, but she doesn't use all of them consistently and I still have trouble understanding 60% of what she says. She has at least 2-2 word phrases as well ("What's that?" and "Whose there?" The nurse didn't seem concerned, however she also gave Em both her shots in the arm rather than one in the arm and one in the leg like she was supposed to, so I'm not sure I trust her opinion.

Pretty much everything else she did...that's all that stood out to me. So, we'll continue naming body parts and one day she will say, "Dude! That's my belly button!" and I can lay off of the body part naming and get started on Algebra.

The shots went as well as could be expected. Em bellowed, Mom teared up and Dad looked like he was gonna cry (it was his first shot appointment, his verdict was "That's just not right!") However, no more shots till she's 5. Yahoo!

You know you are a parent when...

you give up the couch so your kid can sleep.

Yes, another Keith and Emmy sleeping picture...I am surprised I have so many since she doesn't sleep very much anymore! LOL

Keith got up with her last night at 1 (since he is on holidays and I have to work today) and this is what I found when I came downstairs this morning.

The calm before the storm...

It's so quiet right now. Em is napping, Keith is fiddling with the TV (but the sound is off) and the only noise noticeable is my clattering on the keyboard. However, I know it will be short-lived...

It's SHOT DAY! Luckily, the last ones for awhile, but still. Em usually takes them like a pro, but we have 2 appointments with daycares tonight, so Murphy's Law may prevail.

No reason for the photo, but this is how I found Em and Keith the other day...say awwww now...

Hip-Check 2007

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since Em was last seen by her orthopedic surgeon. We went today for the all-mighty hip check up which was LOADS of fun. Loads.

We got to the hospital and I plugged the meter to last until 10 am. Pleeeeeeeeenty of time. Right? Wrong.

Xray first. Em moved right when they took the picture so I KNEW it wouldn't be good but the tech checked it and said it was fine. Riiiiight.

We waited an extraordinary long wait when you have a restless toddler who is a bit pissed with you about holding her down on a gurney. How long, you ask? It was 10:30 AM before we even saw a doctor. For those who are keeping track at home , that would be 2 hours, 20 minutes PAST her scheduled appointment time. 140 minutes of desperately trying to keep Em amused without any of her favorite toys (they are all loud and annoying and I'm sure the waiting room didn't need to hear Ernie giggle 'oh that tickles' 5,000 times) 8,400 seconds of attempting to keep my curious daughter somewhere in the vicinity of me, and not have her scream like I was abducting her when I kept her from running away. Fun times, I tell you, fun times.

We finally got in to the exam room and Ms. Student Doctor comes in. Now, I know she needs practical experience to learn, but my kid is already pissy...must we piss her off more so Ms. Student Doctor can put a tick next to the "manually manipulated a toddler's hips". Oh, and Ms. Student Doctor forgot to read the part that you never, ever, ever pull hip babies by their feet down a bed (to bring them closer). I should fax her that info.

Em's orthopedic surgeon comes in and started telling me how pretty Em was. Good doctor. My child chose to take this opportunity to pick her nose. At least we won't have to worry about dating if she keeps that up.

Em receives her 4,000th compliment on the cute pink shoes I bought her the other day. They are really cute, but completely off topic.

After 2.4 seconds of examining her, the doctor says, "We just need a better Xray, the one from this morning is blurry, like she moved". Oh really? What a freaking shock.

Back we go to Xray. 30 minutes later, we've got 2 adults holding Em down so she'll be still. Again, fun times as my toddler screams in defiance.

Back to the doctor. Finally, a verdict. Well, a confusing one. Overall, he's happy with her hips, they haven't deteriorated too much, but there is something he's not happy with. He never actually specifies what this is but wants us back in 6 months for another round of Xrays. Yahoo.

We left the hospital at 11:10 AM. 3 hours after her 'appointment time'. LOL Luckily, no ticket on my car. Because that, my friends, would have made me cranky.

Pet Peeve #40039384

When parents let their children run all over a store, unsupervised. Why do they do it? So they can shop in peace, of course. Yet, every other shopper is dodging the kids screaming accross the store to each other and running all over the place. Glad to know the parents got to shop in peace.

I just got back from Walmart, can you tell? LOL

Completely unrelated to my last post

Yesterday at work, someone advertised (I work for a free classified publication) a "Surrey with a fringe on top". Once I stopped giggling, I realized he was serious. Yesterday, I learned what a Surrey with a fringe on top was. Oops! LOL (In my defence in the 2 weeks I've been employed, there's been a few weird ads, and at least one pickup attempt. I thought the guy was referring to the song and being funny! lol)

Oh, and someone else called in an ad to trade a left roller blade for a left hockey skate. Size 9.5 prefered. Apparently, someone stole his hockey skate and left the roller blade. Seriously? Is ther someone out there with one roller blade on and one ice skate? Just commit already, one or the other! LOL

Random things...

Vertigo - since giving up ALL caffeine (not just Coke) last Saturday, I've only had 2 minor Vertigo experiences. Both happened at work, but they were mild enough that I could take a Benadryl and wait them out. Nothing like the "room spinning, can't walk, must crawl to couch and get a bucket" experiences like I was having. I haven't been taking the daily Benadryl either, so I am excited by this development. Well, as excited as a sleep-deprived mom can be without caffeine! I truly hope it continues as I was getting so frustrated with working with Vertigo (never knowing when it would hit, etc)

I work 3 full days next week. 8:30 am to 3:30 pm. Okay, not really full days, but read my above paragraph about being tired and you'll realize why this could be hard. Em is being watched by her Daddy for the next two weeks, and I will be sure to take Em's codeine meds with me so Dad can't use them to get a longer nap out of her! (okay, so I really don't think he would do that...at least he better not consider it!)

I spoke to my Mom last night for the first time in 9 months. Sadly, I realized that in the 9 months, nothing has changed. She is still the same, and is still trying to manipulate and con. I told her about Maddie when I was giving her crap about not even attempting to contact me...she didn't even know I was pregnant.
Our conversation about Maddie went like this:

Me: You know what Mom? It would have been nice to have a card from you to put in Em's baby book to recognize her first birthday. It would have been something, an effort on your part to recognize that she is your grandchild. Would have cost less than $2. How about her first Christmas? You missed that too, and you were IN PRINCE GEORGE. . There is not a single picture of you with your grandchild. Not one. You've seen her twice in 18 months, and the last 9 months, you've been gone. The only reason we are talking now is because I picked up the phone.
Mom: tries to apologize, blames it on Dad. Makes a joke, "So, did you have a baby in the 9 months we've been gone?"
Me: (Wrong thing to joke about to me) Actually, I did Mom. I was pregnant when you were here in December. Do you remember me being sick? That's why. The baby died. I delivered my daughter, and she was dead.
Mom: Oh, don't joke about things like that, Jan (says the woman who lied to us about having cancer for 5+ months)
Me: I'm not joking, Mom. Her name was Madison Kate, and she was born on March 6, 2007 at 5:55 am. If you had even attempted to be a part of our lives, you would have known this. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face and I couldn't turn to my own Mom. Why? Because my Mom didn't care enough about us to give us an address, or even a phone number. Because my mom made us (meaning my brother and I) out to be the bad guys.
Mom: *mumbles*

I don't know what I was expecting out of her, but I felt better that I got to say those things that were bothering me for months. Was I hurtful? Probably. Was I wrong? I don't think so. I don't like airing my family's dirty laundry to the Blogger world, but I could have been more harsh to her and it wouldn't even compare to the last 5 years and what they have pulled on the family.

Keith actually said to me last night that he was sorry. I asked him why. He replied "Because the Mom you are looking for, the Mom you need isn't there. Unless she has an epiphany on her deathbed, she never will be. And I'm sorry for that."

He's right. I've always sought out a Mom that wasn't there. This is not a new thing, she's never been there. I've always been the fat daughter, the not perfect daughter, the daughter who resembled her father much to her Mom's very vocal dismay, the not petite daughter. I still have never heard that my parent's are proud of me.

My name is Jan, and I have Mommy issues.

Holy Rash, Batman!

My poor, poor Emmy. I've spoken about the fact that she tends to rash pretty easily, however yesterday was a new record.

The day started fine...her bum wasn't red at all when Keith changed her in the morning. I changed her at 10 am before going to get the sitter and she was fine. She had a slight diaper rash the previous day so I was pleased that it was all cleared up.

I went to work at noon as usual these days. Em seemed fine when I left her. At 3:45 (15 minutes before I was off) I get a call at work. I knew it was the sitter before I picked it up as she's the only one who would call me there. As soon as I picked up, I could hear Em wailing in the background. She explained that Em has been crying for the past hour. Since I'm a big baby, that instantly made me want to cry. I got all choked up and told her I would be home in 5 minutes. (Thanks work for understanding!)

I rushed home and could hear Em from outside. I got inside and she was hysterical. The first thing I noticed was that she was poopy, so I asked the sitter if she had checked her diaper recently. She said she just changed her 1/2 an hour before she started crying, and it had been poopy (but not rashy).

I put screaming Em down to change the diaper, and quickly I noticed that she was all rashed up. I went to the sink to rinse her rather than use a wipe, and as I rinsed her with cool water, she screamed like I was dousing her with boiling hot water. It was CRAZY!! She was SO upset and my heart was breaking for her.

Once clean, I brought her back to the living room and laid her on the couch, diaper-less. The ceiling fan was blowing on her, and she calmed down. I inspected the rash at this point and noticed it was actually blistering (think water blisterd when you burn) all along the sides of her foo-foo, and the rest was red from rash. Damn, that would make ME cry too, let alone a toddler!

I quickly determined that it was the two poops in a row that did it, and the second one was highly acidic obviously. I ended up taking her to the walk-in clinic just so a Doctor could see the blistering (I had never seen it before). Em screamed the whole time in the clinic, bless that Doctor for being so patient with us!

The verdict was nasty diaper rash caused by contact, which I knew any how. He prescribed a special cream to use and some Tylonel with codeine for Em. Now, I'm not an advocate of drugging your baby, but hot damn, this stuff works. I gave her the lowest dose listed and she slept from 7:30pm-7:30am. She would have slept even longer, but I went in when I heard her stirring. She went to sleep without her last bottle, slept through me undoing her diaper and spreading the cream on her (I had to pick it up later as they had to make it), she slept through a 4 hour thunderstorm that rocked the house and rattled the windows. She slept like she was back in her Harness, with her legs spread and bent, in her frog-leg pose. The kid didn't stir till this morning, and she hasn't slept through the night for the past two weeks. Keith says these are the best drugs ever. Silly man. Although I am tempted to agree with him. LOL

The rash is nasty looking this morning, and I'm not sure how she'll do with the sitter, but it's just 4 more hours and then I'm home for the weekend.

On another note, the job is getting better. The first week was hard and I felt so dumb...just out of it.

And here, for the fun of it, is a completely unrelated picture of Emmy, looking like she's calling me Cuckoo...maybe she's on to something! LOL

How I know I'm a Mom, reason 5,000,0000

As I was selecting music for my skookum 10 CD changer, half of the music selected was my preference...the other half was Emmy's. Apparently, Keith has no say. LOL


My name is Jan, and I'll be the one doing the hokey pokey on the way to dropping Em off at daycare.

My days as a SAHM are numbered...

And that number is 2. I go to work Tuesday afternoon. I have many, many mixed feelings about this. I am so sad about leaving Em, and yet there is a tiny part that is a bit excited about the opportunity.

August is the trial month. If I don't like it, or if Em has trouble adjusting...I will not continue. She is my first and ultimate priority. Financially, we are making ends meet right now, but it's always tight (like fish patties tight). This will give us some breathing room and maybe allow a splurge here or there. We'll see.

August is also the month of Em's follow up with the Orthopedic Surgeon. I believe her hips are fine, but the X-Rays will tell us for sure. It is also the month for shots and the follow up MMR vaccination. I am dreading that one since she had such a reaction at 12 months. (See picture below)

Em's new word