I will admit that I am not the best Christmas person. I don't go all out on decorating and baking. In a lot of ways, I feel it's just another day. I have spent a lot of Christmas's alone, and that has kind of soured me in a way.
The Christmas spirit did hit me today as I reflected on what I am thankful for this year, and what this year has brought to me.
Obviously, if you have read my blog to any length, I am thankful and feel so blessed that I am carrying a child (even through my complaints! LOL). After so many years of being told that it wasn't possible to carry past 20 weeks, that getting pregnant would be difficult, if not impossible, here I am. A moving, wonderful being growing in my belly. In a few short weeks, I will be a Mom. That makes me feel so blessed, even on the days that I don't think I can handle being pregnant for one more moment.
As I type, I catch a glimpse of the simple gold ring that sits on my left hand. It is my constant reminder of what I am thankful for.
I look over from my computer desk at Keith, who is napping on the tiny little loveseat. It can't possibly be comfortable, but yet there he lays, fast asleep. So sweet. I want to wake him up and tell him to move over to the other couch, but he looks so peaceful that I don't want to disturb him. As I look at him, all curled up, the amount of love I have for this man overwhelms me.
He has always been my biggest supporter, from the time that I met him until now. I know that I have not always been the easiest woman to love.
Two weeks after we started dating, I ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks because of a serious bout with depression. He could have walked away. He had no emotional investment, he barely knew me. Yet, he stayed. He phoned me every night in the hospital (I was out of town), and we spoke for hours. He ended up with this huge phone bill (because he had no long distance plan), but never complained. He was scared because he didn't understand what I was going through, but he still stayed and he learned about what depression does to a person. I was worth it in his eyes. There was something he saw in me that made it worth it. The fact that he did, that he stayed and persevered through some very dark times, always in my corner, and always supporting me, brings me to tears to this day.
From the day I have met him, there have never been any head games. He is honest, upfront, and doesn't hide how he feels. I have never caught him in a lie. I can trust him implicitly, which is a an amazing thing, as he is the first man that I have been able to trust completely.
He taught me what family is, and his family has expanded to include me almost instantly. From the very first Christmas when I was introduced, to now, they have always included me as if I just belonged, no questions asked. I tend to be uneasy in situations like this, because of past hurts, so it has taken me awhile to warm up to them. But with every phone call and visit, I know I am accepted, even if I still don't feel quite worthy of that acceptance.
He kills the spiders for me, no matter how small they are, or how fast asleep he was at the time that I discovered it. When I discovered a mouse in the kitchen, and freaked out, he became the "Mighty Rodent Hunter". He would get up early to make sure the trap was empty, so I wouldn't see a dead mouse, and he cooked dinner for a week when I was too scared to go into the kitchen. He made me realize that no matter how irrational my fear, he is there to help conquer them with me.
He makes me laugh, sometimes through my tears. When I am having a rough time, he will call me at work to make sure I am doing okay (usually with a funny voice to make me giggle when I answer the phone). We laugh, we have amazing discussions, and we can just be. There is no pressure to be anywhere, or do anything, because we are both completely content to be with each other, even if we don't even share a word. To me, that is what love is.
A simple gold ring. I don't remember it being this shiny before. It has sat on that finger for a year and yet it is just tonight that the full meaning of it hit me. It means that we are in this life together, through every part that is good, and the bad. Through the joys of just being the two of us, to the adventure that will happen when it becomes the three of us.
That is what I am thankful for this year.
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